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  • Click to view christiemar's profile
    Posted July 22, 2013 by
    christiemar
    Location
    Manhattan, Montana
    Assignment
    Assignment
    This iReport is part of an assignment:
    Your 'Aha' weight-loss moments

    289 lbs lighter...Loving Life!

     

    Hi! My name is Christie Morgan, and I have lost a total of just about 300 lbs a little over 3 years ago. My journey began at 403lbs, and was completed at 114 lbs. Through research, exercise and most of all a total mind makeover, I put together my own whole foods, clean, healthy eating plan and exercise program and did it from start to finish totally on my own... It has been the most important decision and undertaking of my life.. I lost the 300 lbs 3 years ago, have maintained my new, healthy mind and body , and I am 49 years old .Believe it or not, at my heaviest, I didn't even know how much I weighed...and upon completion of my weight loss journey, I estimated to others that my total weight loss was 220 lbs..then, I found a copy of a document from my doctor, that revealed that my starting weight was 403lbs rather than the 334 lbs thatI thought was my starting weight was.... crazy!! Obviously, I knew I was morbidly obese...I had tried every single “diet” that had ever been written, I think! I was told by doctors that my only option was gastric bypass surgery, that I had a thyroid problem that would make losing the weight any other way virtually impossible and that there was simply no way I could possibly shed 300 lbs on my own. The fact that my 5 foot zero frame could hardly breathe, walk, and live much longer..almost made me believe they were right... I swear, every beat of my heart hurt as I felt each beat could at any moment be my last and that one morning I simply would not wake up..that my body would give out and up on me long before it's time. But...I knew deep down under my huge body, down deep in my heart... that I would prove them wrong, the real me who was hidden under layers and layers of sadness, shame and pain was going to win this battle once and for all. One day, I saw photos of myself ... the sadness in my eyes was so so so evident...the smile on my face and my happy facade could not hide what was lurking behind my eyes. A sad heart... a life void of well, life..... every day falling deeper and deeper into quicksand...alive but not living..not able to participate in life at all...merely an observer...truly a death sentence. That day became the last day I would ever feel that way again..That day the most powerful emotion I have ever felt took over.... the will to live...the will to come to life... nothing is more powerful than that will, and once my mind was made up, I knew nothing, nothing, nothing would get in my way.. stumbling blocks would try, but I had to be stronger than any bump in the road, stronger than anything that tried to quench my will.... and every day from that day forward until I reached my goal, I reaffirmed that will... I had to keep my mind strong, that, to me, is the key. Since I tackled this huge life changing endeavor totally on my own, I knew it was completely up to me... only me. Of course, society and even every well meaning friend or associate told me over and over and over again, there was no way I could ever lose 300 lbs on my own without help, I heard that over and over again ....but that only made my mindset stronger... I was tired of hearing “you can't”...and from that moment on, the word “can't” has been eliminated from my vocabulary... and it is not ever welcome again!!!!!!!! . it was a few days before Thanksgiving.. the beginning of the holiday “eating” season...and I knew this had to be the time to take the bull by the horns and change my life. Since I had been on every “diet” on the planet...and, obviously,did not succeed, I decided to really look into myself and figure out why... every diet out there works, I mean, calories in calories out, but it's not about a diet... ... it is not about achieving perfection...it's not about restrictions, deprivation, punishment..it is sooo not about the word DIET... instead, it is about freedom, fueling, strength, will, feeling healthy, alive, feeling balanced … I researched and tried to extract what I thought were the best of the best elements of many different weight loss plans and make a plan of my own...basically consisting of whole, healthy foods, portion control, and the proper amounts of each nutrient to properly fuel my body, putting together a plan that would optimally fuel my body for success, rather than looking at it at deprivation and what was restricted and that was “off limits”, I looked at all of the wonderful life giving healthy foods that would bring me vitality, variety .I substituted food rewards for a job well done as many diets do with non food rewards that fed my soul instead... things that brought me and so many others joy, not calories, and were SOOO much more rewarding than a cookie!!!... realizing for the first time that it is not about investing in supplements, gym memberships, programs, diet plans..for me, it is about investing in myself, my health, my mind, my body...it is about changing my life and in turn changing the lives of others because my heart was finally feeling happy... In order to conquer my body, I first had to control my mind... total total total mindset... I had to look at my journey as a game, a challenge, as the door that once I turned the knob would take me into LIFE... no longer an observer, but a participant... each and every day became that way.. even though when I began, I could not even walk across the house, that my first day exercising resulted in me breaking a Total Gym because I soooo exceeded the weight limit, and that for the first 150-200 lbs or so, I truly could not even see that I looked better because I was so so large....but, I had to face each and every day with the mindset that I was walking through that door, one step at a time... living a bit more each and every day... I knew that every single day I was rising out of the quicksand, that my heart was beating a littttle bit easier, that my struggle with food and loathing of exercise, turned into a love affair with great, healthy food, a challenge, a game to make whole, clean foods absolutely delicious ( I love cooking and it was so awesome to experiment and create), that exercise became something I loved, longed for.... My eating patterns now consisted of whole, clean foods, proteins like lean meats and fish, good fats, energy producing carbs like whole grains and fresh fruits,, loads and loads of fresh veggies, meat alternatives..KIND bars, which became my go to snack, which I swear by..and.water, water, water....and a food diary. The changes I felt every single day were astounding, my body actually felt healthier every day and I simply craved my new lifestlye...food, exercise... When you are 5 foot zero, and 403 lbs....truly you don't see or feel beauty, good, happiness, kindness... you don't see the glorious gift of life as anything but gloom, dread, sadness, shame and despair... truly the most horrible feeling I have ever known.. it wasn't me... wasn't who I am...my heart longed to be the happy, lighthearted life loving person I was born to be but was stifled and snuffed out by a huge body and a mind that was not in control. Now, 3 years later, I continue to eat the same menu of healthy, whole foods, fueling and nourishing my body and my mind... My weight loss journey, my life changing and life saving road to success has taught me that perfection is not looking like a model, or being a “perfect” size or to look a certain way, perfection is knowing that I am the best I can be in every way, and that continually striving to be better, stronger, healthier, and to help others living in the despair of obesity feel the very same way. A 300 lb weight loss has taught me so much more than any diet ever could.... it has taught me that nothing, nothing, nothing feels OR tastes better than the happiness and joy of a new life, of sharing that joy with everyone around me, and most of all... than LIVING in and for every moment, the sadness in my eyes and my heart now and forever replaced with the gift of a healthy body and a full heart... that's perfection....

     

    Thank you for the opportunity to share my story and my heart... I am so passionate about the importance of a true transformation ..not just in size, but the impact that the entire process has had on me, mind and body... about my desire to help others to finally live, to spring to life as I did...to come out of the quicksand and to discover indescribable feeling of a healthy, sound, balanced body and mind.... I truly believe that the mind is everything, and what you think, you become... and every single person has the ability, and deserves to become all they have ever dreamed of being!!!! Thank you for listening! :)

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