- Posted August 28, 2013 by
This iReport is part of an assignment:
Nancy's Family Album
God always has your back
I was MAD. God had let me down. I never lost my faith but that was part of my problem. I knew that my God was big enough, amazing enough to have kept this from happening to my daughter. But He didn't. We had prayed for a safe pregnancy and this was not it. Some idiot driver in a hurry to get the blue light special on Black Friday had caused my daughter to have to fight for her life. Up to this point I had never really felt that God didn't do His job. I had things that didn't go my way. I had family who had passed away. I didn't think that God was the candyman there to fulfill my every wish but until now nothing had happened in my life that was so bad that I couldn't trust that God was in control. But obviously He was sleeping when that guy cut us off and caused the accident. Maybe He just didn't care about me as much as I had always believed in my heart that He did. Because, see, I believed. I really did. I knew that He was more than able to have kept this from us. THIS wasn't working for anyone's good!
Fast forward to February when Jordann was 3 months old. We went to an appointment with her lung surgeon to have her cleared to have the apnea monitor taken off. Dr. Kay walks in the room and says, "There's my miracle baby!" Just for the record, I am not usually a brat, ungrateful or sarcastic...I promise! But that day I had pretty much had it with 3 children under 3, nonstop Dr. appointments with Jordann and my general anger over the entire situation. So the first thing out of my mouth was not characteristic of me. "Yeah right! She's not a miracle she lost part of her lung because of an idiot driver".
And then my world was rocked. Dr. Kay put her hand on my knee and said to me, "Mrs. Homer, you were so overwhelmed at the hospital that I know that more than half of what I told you wasn't registering. I know that you were filtering out the non-essentials to deal with the bottom line of 'is my daughter going to live'. But what you must not have understood was that this lung issue was not caused by the accident. She had CCAM. That's Congenital Cystic Malformation of her lung. Her lower left lobe looked like cottage cheese with multiple massive cysts on it." She then proceeded to tell me that right after Jordann was born she was given medication to help her lungs because she was so premature. As soon as she started breathing one of the cysts exploded and she ended up with a pneumothorax...air that rushed out of her lung into her chest and was pressing on her heart and lungs and causing them to not be able to work. At the hospital when they did the chest tube and put her on the ventilator that was the only thing that kept her alive. However, (and this is the part that changed my life) if she had hit 36 weeks and had started using her lungs to process amniotic fluid the SAME thing would have happened. The amniotic fluid would have created pressure on the cyst, it would have ruptured and her chest would have filled with amniotic fluid. She would have been still born. By the time that I would have noticed anything wrong it would most certainly have been too late to save her.
The only reason that my daughter is alive today is because we went Black Friday shopping, I ran into a childhood friend, changed plans, wasn't where I had planned to be, an idiot driver pulled in front of my mom, I had the seat belt under my belly, it hit my double c-section scar and caused a uterine rupture. Ok...that's a lot of reasons. If any one of those things hadn't happened Jordann wouldn't be here. Just one. If one thing in that complex litany of events hadn't happened we wouldn't have been where we were to be in that accident. And that isn't even taking into consideration the many unknown factors that got that "idiot driver" to be where he was at the exact right moment.
So now I began to see, right there in the Dr.'s exam room, that many things were working together for my good...and for Jordann's. That what satan had meant to destroy my faith in God, God used to His good. That God has turned over this world to satan who comes to steal, kill and destroy but God will use those things to create an outcome that we cannot predict. The worst, scariest, most gut wrenching thing that has ever happened to me was, by all accounts, an answer to prayer. Could He have created the same outcome without the terrible parts? Of course! Do I wish He had? Not even a little! Because knowing now that in the depths of my fear, in the hardest time in my life, in a time that I was mad, mad, mad at Him, when satan wanted me to accuse God and turn from Him God was there creating in me, Jordann, my husband, my family a testimony of how God will take what satan means to destroy you and use it for His glory.
And here's the thing that created a fierce, burning desire to tell this story...I realized that even if I wasn't told that, but for the accident Jordann would have died, if, to this day, I didn't have that knowledge, would it have been any less of an answer to prayer? Of course not! So now, when I go through hard times I have to look back at this and think that I don't know all the answers. I don't always know what God's up to. But His faithfulness does not change and I trust that He will answer my prayers in the best way...HIS way! And that doesn't mean it will be without pain and fear, but it does mean that, even if we don't understand why, He is there and He will get us through it. And guess what? He isn't even scared when we're mad at Him!
At 1 year Jordann was diagnosed with Cerebral Palsy from her brain bleed. We were told that she would be delayed and because of the removal of 1/4 of her lung that she wouldn't be able to do sports, etc. Well, she's almost 11 now. She's brilliant, funny, plays soccer and is a cheerleader. There's nothing this child can't do...because she has a God Who can do anything.
In the photo: me (Lori), Robbie (my husband), Caleb (12), Drew (13), Jordi (as Jordann now likes to be called (almost 11)) and Laryn (9).