- Posted September 1, 2013 by
"Outrageous Dating" Toxic People
By Kenneth Stepp
Toxic? Delete Them
This probably sounds abrasive and cold. To me it is a defense mechanism from energy sucking vampires that will eat all the living particles around you until you choke on the nothingness that is left. They may not be bad people. But they are real bad for you. I will give only three examples.
I met her online. She was cute, smart, sweet, and seemed independent enough. I met her for eggs one morning after she got off work. We had a great conversation. The next day I received my first red flag. She sent me an email stating she had changed her status of Facebook to "In a relationship" and was that ok with me, I said. This is America, and that's your Facebook account. But Mine was staying single.
Normally this would be enough to make me run. But I really liked the rest of what I saw. I was hoping this speed would slow down long enough to get to know one another. Then the emails began. I mean fifty plus a day. I tried to keep up, but I just couldn't. This went on for a few weeks. One day she sent me an email stating I was being dismissive and rude because my replies were so short and I told her I was busy. So I emailed her back explaining that I work from home and for myself. So I would have times when I simply could not answer the emails.
I mentioned that when she was at work she wasn't allowed to do this. And I am in fact at work.
Then came the name calling. I was lying, misled her, she only thought this and that. I had enough. I blocked her and deleted her from everything I could. My NQ Blocker app on my Android saved the day again. How much time and energy could I have saved if I did this at the first red flag? A lot.
This one wasn't anyone I dated or wanted to date. This person was just a drain. I use to see her at events I would go to. I didn't know her, but was connected on Facebook. I am connected to thousands there. One day she posted something very personal. It revealed some inner pain that was so familiar to me. It was so much like what I had gone through years before. Because I went through mine alone, I try very hard to be there for others I see going through the same thing.
I sent her an email from my heart. I told her a bit about my story and told her I understood and may can help her get through hers. I saw her at an event right after that and we sit at the same table. Then things got weird. She felt that because I am single I should be romantically inclined to her. I had zero interest at all.
She began posting about me not seeing the forest for the trees and things like that. It was bizarre. I just backed off and gave her space. A few days later she sent me an email apologizing and I accepted. I told her I would still like to be friends, she agreed, and on we went. Till the next time, and the next time, and the next. A total of five times this person attacked me for absolutely no reason. It was bad orbit dating, without the dating.
This person was a self absorbed, self centered, toxic individual without a filter. Every time I was around them it was a constant barrage of complaining about everyone, blaming everyone for everything. Completely toxic and crazy. This was the best delete of my life to date. Blocking and getting them off my radar was awesome. Totally liberating too.
Some people can suck the joy out of a room when they enter. This was one of these people. Hard to believe I ever tried to be her friend. She doesn't have space for anyone but her. Think of the energy and joy I missed while trying to be a positive in her life. Pull the trigger the first time the red flag comes out guys. Save yourselves early.
This one started off in a direction that I thought had wings. I met her online. We exchanged emails, then texts, and phone conversations for about a week. She was smart, strong, and seemingly independent. Boy was I wrong.
We both wanted to meet soon. As it turned out I had to be kind of close to her area at a time that worked for her. I got ready that morning and shot out there, cleaned up and smelling good. Feeling great about meeting someone interesting and even very attractive. Her pictures were very lovely. I shuffled around trying to find this place. It was a parking lot near her home.
Found it. I pulled into a spot where I could see her coming. I knew her SUV type and color, so all is well. She pulled up, I got out to greet her. She looked very different, even sitting down. Nothing like the pictures. When she excited her SUV it was apparent she had lied. After a few minutes she admitted the pictures were not only old, but 130 pounds ago as well. This wasn't going well at all. But I was respectful and nice. We chatted for a while, I received a text that I told her was an emergency, and left.
Then it began. Emails, texts, calls, all day every day. I was always very nice and respectful. Then she began getting ugly with the emails. Stating I wasn't paying attention to her, that I need to come over right now! Wow. The mental drain was huge. I used my handy block app, and deleted her from my life. I should have done that the first day. Delete them early guys. The life you save might be your own.
Be as nice as you want to be. Or not so nice. In the end it doesn't matter. Toxic people will always blame others. If you deleted them, they will blame you. So delete them immediately when you see that red flag. It really does save time and energy. The outcome is always the same. In the end it is you who are blamed by toxic people. They are toxic because the can't take ownership in their lives. They are toxic because blame is the only tool they have to justify why they are miserable. And to the next person in their lives. Run. Just run away. The only unique thing about being next. There is always a next. Run early and run fast. You will thank me for it later.