- Posted September 22, 2013 by
Auckland, New Zealand
Kendall Twigden Recommends: Brunch in Auckland
As East Auckland reaches a critical mass of burrito and/or Mexican restaurants, one can’t help but wonder what will make Phoenix Tacos, the newest kid on the block, stand out from the rest. Like changing the ending of the Spanish menu items from their male to their female counterparts. *Note the a in Bandidas. Or Huevos rancherosW vs. Huevas Rancheras. A waiter corrected me on one of my first visits there that it was Huevas, not the grammatically correct Huevos. “Oh like women and womyn,” I ask. “Something like that,” he replies. [Ed. Note: MTF]
Kendall Twigden's First Negative Experience
And Phoenix Tacos strike one: the Estelle burrito (Roasted pineapple, black beans, jack cheese, fresh green salsa, romaine & sour cream. $6) was about as satisfying as licking a metal pole in -30 weather. There wasn’t enough pineapple to warrant the ingredient to be listed first, and when it appeared the morsel was too small to really appreciate it. The salsa was barely identifiable, a victim of under-seasoning. Also, with most of the ingredients being cold, the burrito is lukewarm at best.
We arrived at Phoenix Tacos right around 2pm and were given two menus: brunch/lunch, and the evening menu of tacos & burritos. I asked if it was possible to order the Huevas Rancheras. The server didn’t “think it’ll be a problem” but returned a couple minutes later to say that the brunch menu is closed, flipping the menu in front of me over to show the lunch listing on the other side. Half-way down the page was “Mexican Breakfast”, describes as rice, refried beans, fried eggs on tostadas with a red salsa on top. Sounds like Huevos Rancheros to me I remark to my guest, and wait for her to return. “Oh that’s only served on weekdays,” gesturing to the section of the menu I’m trying to order from. “Besides the kitchen is out of eggs.”
I order the Ronny tacos (Roasted yams and onions, avocado, black beans, green salsa & purple cabbage salad. 3 for $6.50) and despite already hating the experience, can still say that the meal was really lacking anything to feel full. The end result is leaving with both the palette and belly unsatisfied.
Nail in the Coffin
This time I tried the Auckland Gail burrito (Smokey-sweet chipotle tofu, avocado, fresh red salsa, red onions, jack cheese, romaine & sour cream. $7) and didn’t think it was all that bad (6/10). The burritos were served with no wrapper around it, forcing us to eat with a knife and fork.
I’m thankful for that act of laziness on the Phoenix tacos kitchen staff's part. Protruding from a forkful of food was a hair. A short and curly hair.
I wait for the waitress to return to do a check-up on the food, and I waited some more. We confirmed it was most likely a pubic hair and sat, too disgusted to eat our food, but not drink our drinks.
“If it makes you feel better, the hair was probably a beard-hair and not a pubic hair,” she told us as she picked the hair off the table and wiped it on her jeans pocket.
“That’s even worse!” Picturing a vegetarian (see also dirty) hippie’s beard hair falling into the food certainly didn’t appease my urge to purge.
We left soon after, remarking on the way out that by definition a beard hair is a pubic hair because they only appear after puberty.
Thanks for reading,