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    Posted October 30, 2013 by
    philadelphia, Pennsylvania
    This iReport is part of an assignment:
    First Person: Your essays

    How Many Calories Are in Cronuts

    How many calories are in Cronuts?

    A WHAT???

    I’m sure by now you have heard some buzz about the Cronut. It’s a cross between a donut and a croissant… the Huffington Post describes it as a“nutritional nightmare”. That description is spot on.

    This decadent “fad” dessert is in high demand to the point of lunacy or as its French creator might say “c’est crazeeee!” Crazy all the way to the bank and bringing the USA one step closer to passing Mexico as the fattest nation on the planet. Damn it… We want our title back!

    The creator, French chef Dominique Ansel has turned his SoHo bakery into the likes of a Depression Era bread line. Customers are lined up outside Ansel’s bakery daily and are limited to 2 Cronuts on Monday mornings. Maybe Cronuts are the new Soylent Green? Whatever they are, they are causing people to burst into tears and/or flip off the staff at the bakery when they run out of Cronuts.

    What’s worse is that they are being scalped on Craigslist. Let me repeat that…CRONUTS ARE BEING SCALPED ON CRAIGSLIST! WTF? There are people out there selling a $5 Cronut for $40 and there are idiots out there paying the price.

    If you want to try one for yourself you have to pre-order at least 2 weeks in advance. Is anything really that good? I received some as a gift, took one bite and could actually hear myself getting fatter. I wasn’t blown away by them. My boyfriend wasn’t either but ate them because they were there.

    That’s not a good reason to eat something that’s approximately 590 calories. I say “approximately” because Chef Ansel refuses to give up the recipe so the calorie count cannot be precisely determined. When asked how many calories are in Cronuts he replied “I’m not sure how many calories, but it’s very tasty.” There you have it… proof that the French are trying to kill us one Cronut at a time.

    I searched the internet for the calorie and macronutrient breakdown and couldn’t find anything. I’m a very determined person who doesn’t want the French to kill my countrymen so I decided to examine one of the Cronuts in my possession. I also took into account another telling statement made by Ansel admitting that he uses, “loads and loads of butter, along with cream injected through multiple layers”. (Kill me…kill me NOW!)

    There is also a berry jelly injected into this fat cell enlarger (flavor changes monthly). And it is fried in grapeseed oil, rolled in sugar and then frosted. (Chef Ansel should put skull and crossbones on his bakery boxes)

    I also pulled apart a Cronut to see how much of it is “croissant” and how much is “donut”. It’s a little more croissant than donut which I factored into my calculations. Here is what I was able to determine:

    Calories – 590

    Fat – 26g / 234 calories
    Saturated fat – 16g / 144 calories

    Carbohydrates – 81g / 324 calories
    Sugar – 41g / 164 calories

    Protein – 8 calories / 32 calories

    So there you have it; a nutritional nightmare come true. The problem isn’t eating one Cronut once in a while. It’s the people running like zombies (I know zombies don’t run very fast) to this lone bakery to get what they think is manna from heaven.

    Cronut lineThey clamor for a currently popular, unhealthy treat, creating Cronut Mania and there are a lot of people out there who will stuff themselves because they think they will never have another Cronut as long as they live. These are the people who get up 2 hours early to stand in line every day to participate in this fad. (It was reported that a woman was seen leaving Cronut HQ with 6 Cronuts, a Ferbie, and a Beanie Baby)

    I like donuts and I like croissants but the combination of the two falls shorts on taste. Yet people are still lining up for something they feel they NEED. A few months ago most people didn’t know the Cronut existed. They were getting along in life just fine without it but now it’s become the Holy Grail of pastries.

    People are wasting precious hours of their lives to get something that just a few months ago they didn’t know they needed and will eventually be readily available on supermarket shelves.

    They don’t care that a Cronut is probably one quarter to one third of their daily calories. They don’t care even if they have cholesterol, blood sugar, cardiovascular or obesity issues. They must have this Wonka Golden Ticket.

    They are like the ultra-competitive Violet Beauregarde, eating a piece of “untested” gum against Mr. Wonka’s warnings or Veruca Salt…”Daddy I want a Cronut and I want it now!” Well… you all know what happened to Violet and Varuca.
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