- Posted December 12, 2013 by
London, United Kingdom
This iReport is part of an assignment:
The written word: Your personal essays
I ALMOST COMMITTED SUICIDE!
Yes, today I realised that I almost committed suicide! Suicide from my higher self, the true me, the woman who screams inside of me and just want to be me, the Goddess within!
No! I said, I want to be safe, just let me play it safe, I do not want to attract any attention, I do not want to impress, I do not want to intimidate anyone or nobody is going to want to be around me. They are going to hate me, despise me. Who does she think she is?
I recall a young girl who loved dressing up…she would change clothes when her mother asked her to take the litter downstairs even if nobody was going to see her. Growing up as a teenager, she had this out of the world confidence. Her face was covered with acne and pimples but she would just put her make up on and do her thing, she was not scared what anybody would say or think of her. Actually she was quite an attractive young woman and people were drawn to her energy.
But one day, she disappeared. Pregnancies, a bad relationship (which turns out to be a blessing) and a few years down the road, she became overweight, not looking after herself, she was hiding behind the responsibilities of being a mother, “oh I don’t have time” she used to say, “I can’t be bothered”. School run in pyjamas the school is just 5 minutes away, we all do that, who will notice? “I did not wash today”, who cares? I am staying at home anyway! (oh come on ladies, you know what I am talking about).
Result? I dug a pity pot big enough to almost drown myself in it. The abusive partner did not help her self-confidence and self-worth. Being cheated on, she did not feel confident anymore after all if he is cheating it means that she was not good enough, beautiful enough, “Look at yourself, it is normal that he cheats on you” and the self-talk was going on and on. Hypnotising myself with my own negative thoughts and beliefs about what I had become.
I was fighting and pushing against who I was becoming instead of letting go and allowing the true me to resurface.
Decision time: I decided I was not going to live like that anymore, this was not me. I wanted that young confident sassy and sexy woman back. It is amazing the things you can accomplish once you make a decision and act on it. The key is to act on it straight away. So I hired a personal trainer to get rid of my excess weight, shifted my diet completely and started a green juice journey. Little by little the old I was falling back in place and in shape.
Now I can tell you that when I evolved in my transformation, Heaven broke loose!!! I became a woman that could not be cheated on anymore so my partner left. Can’t cheat on a powerful woman anymore, she can’t take your shit and is not impressed if you play around because she understands that you have got a problem not her! I understood that staying in an abusive relationship for the sake of “trying to fix things” was not helping the abuser either. Even an abuser is abused when his abused is allowed to continue!
Opportunities started to show up and positive things started to manifest effortlessly. The energy in me and around me completely shifted!
The self-doubts around my new postpartum body and questions such as “what man is going to be attracted by a single mother of three?” were replaced by a list of “pretendants” and new found almost supernatural confidence. She is not looking for men, men are coming to her! But she is not settling for less. She owes is to herself and her children to attract a loving complete partner. She now realises her full power as a woman and is comfortable with it although sometimes she dims the light…still in the process, growth is eternal.
The young woman is back, this time more mature and aware of her feminine power, not against anyone or to impress anyone but for her own good and the wellbeing of the women she now wants to help express their true Divine nature. She is ready and is already taking on a bit of the world at her own pace. She is actually walking down the red carpet in real life as the star of her own movie: her own life.
She is Rich (in self-love, quality relationships, in blessings, health), Sexy and Powerful! She is what every woman wants to be: the Greatest, Highest and Grandest version of themselves!
And you know what? It did not require money or fancy clothes (except for the Red Carpet…lol), just a shift in mind-set and massive divinely inspired action!
You can be that woman today!
To your magnificence!!