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    Posted December 30, 2013 by
    This iReport is part of an assignment:
    Does marijuana help you?

    Weed Helped Me Find My Happy Place

    When I started smoking weed, I was about 16 years old. By this point, I had already been struggling with prescription drugs for about 4 years and cutting myself for 6. I was also deep into a struggle with anorexia and bulimia. I would be lying if I said it was all out of hopelessness - a big part of me really wanted people to see that things were wrong and help me. I didn't want to feel the way I did anymore. I would also be lying if I said that smoking weed immediately made me reject my misguided abuse of self harm and prescription drugs. No, it was not an immediate thing in the slightest. In fact, it wasn't until a couple years ago that I realized the correlation at all.

    What I can say in complete honesty is that even though I didn't immediately realize it, the things that made me continue smoking weed were more than superficial. It wasn't just the social aspect, it wasn't just the intoxication. It wasn't peer pressure, or a desire to fit in. No, beneath the surface it was much more than that. When I was high on marijuana, I didn't feel numb or like a hopeless basket case (which was how I always felt when I was taking pills). I was sleeping better, I was eating more regularly. Even when I wasn't actively smoking, I felt more like a normal person. The urge to cut myself or to starve myself started to lessen.

    I stopped smoking weed under duress from a terribly controlling boyfriend. I stopped for almost two years. Even though I know there were extenuating circumstances, that I can't blame all of my experiences on the lack of THC in my system, what I do know is that my anxiety skyrocketed. My insomnia crept back up full force. I dropped almost 30 lbs. in a year and a half. A new crop of scars took over my body. And the few times I defiantly packed a bowl were the happiest, most carefree times of that entire relationship.

    As I got older and put an end to my relationship with that sad excuse for a man, smoking weed became a regular, worry-free part of my life. It was never an obsession, or an addiction. I have always been very capable of going long periods of time without smoking or having the desire to smoke. Yet in all this time, I have never felt the need to abstain. Smoking weed has not made me a burnout. I have all the passion and ambition of someone who's never had THC running through them. I am intelligent, mostly well-spoken and successful by my own standards. Marijuana might not be for everyone, and it definitely doesn't have the same life effect on everyone, but it has made a world of difference in my own life and continues to do so.

    Not to mention I really like getting high.

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