Share this on:
About this iReport
  • Not vetted for CNN

  • Click to view Stat1st1c's profile
    Posted December 30, 2013 by
    Little Rock, Arkansas
    This iReport is part of an assignment:
    Does marijuana help you?

    The Illusion of Normalcy


    I used to be a heavy pot smoker. Infact, I used to live, eat and breath cannabis.

    Growing up in a broken home, raised by a single mother supporting 3 children, we practically raised ourselves. Not to say that my mother was a bad parent, she did the best she could and had to work extensive hours to provide for us.

    Growing up, I always had this sense of impending doom which caused severe anxiety. I would self medicate with marijuana starting at the age of 12. Life seemed hopeless and had no meaning. I would go through the day to day grind in a foggy haze with no hope of emerging.

    I would have brief moments of clarity on occasion where life didn't seem so bad and actually managed to have fun a time or two. During those brief moments of clarity I decided not to smoke because it seemed irrelevant.

    Living in a small town that required skill sets to obtain a job and noone willing to hire if you didn't have a skillset (catch 22) I turned to selling marijuana for a source of income. I tried to justify my actions by telling myself I was helping people with their misery. I now know that it was very wrong for me to profit from the misery of others. This went on until I was about 19 years old.

    At that time, I was able to get a job at the company my mom worked for and was able to commute to work with her. Despite the fact that I was earning an honest and decent living, I continued to smoke to alleviate stress and to maintain a sense of normalcy. When I was high I had a carefree mentality and my anxiety/depression didn't seem to bother me.

    About a year later our home had forclosed and my family was torn asunder. My mother was using this as a reason to shed her co-dependent children and it displaced all of us. I wound up homeless and was doing what I had to do to survive. With the assistance of some loving yet manipulative family members, I was able to keep a roof over my head and food in my stomach for a while.

    Despite the fact that I was in dire need of income I didn't go back to dealing. I didn't want to be a drug dealer anymore.

    After I wore out my welcome, I was taken in by some friends of mine. They gave me a job and a place to stay. Unfortunately, the job only covered my stay and did not provide any income. Carless and without hope, I was told that I need to move on.

    I contemplated suicide. I had attempted it a few times prior, but this time I would be sure to finish the job. Two days before I was back on the street a family member called me and took me in. Ever since my life has been great. I was able to obtain an education, a car, a future...

    It didn't take long for me to fall back into the wrong crowd and started smoking once again.

    I lasted a year and a half without smoking and it was the best time of my life. I saw the world through a new pair of eyes and appreciated life so much more. The reason I started to smoke again was to fit in and make friends in this foreign state.

    About six months ago I was arrested on a possession charge. My registration was expired and he could smell weed in the car. After further investigation, he found a back pack with an ounce of hydroponic marijuana in it that I honestly didn't know was in my car. I admited to smoking, because we smoked a blunt on our way to a restaurant for dinner. Turns out, that "friend" was a dealer and placed what I thought was her purse in my back seat. After the arrest I have not touched, smelled or even thought about weed.

    All of what I said was leading to this, the pinnacle of my life. I have been sober for 6 months and am doing rather well for myself. I cut ties with all of the negative influence in my life and am in the process of opening my own business.

    So, no, I do not condone marijuana nor would I endorse it's legalization. It is a scapegoat that robs people of their potential, making them lazy and complacent.

    What do you think of this story?

    Select one of the options below. Your feedback will help tell CNN producers what to do with this iReport. If you'd like, you can explain your choice in the comments below.
    Be and editor! Choose an option below:
      Awesome! Put this on TV! Almost! Needs work. This submission violates iReport's community guidelines.


    Log in to comment

    iReport welcomes a lively discussion, so comments on iReports are not pre-screened before they post. See the iReport community guidelines for details about content that is not welcome on iReport.

    Add your Story Add your Story