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    Posted January 23, 2014 by
    New Jersey
    This iReport is part of an assignment:
    First Person: Your essays

    Dealing with rape from an family member

    When I was 11 years old, I was raped by a full-blood relative of mine. No words could explain the pain I had dealt with especially considering it was my own family member. I was raped though at the age of 11 & ended up pregnant with a baby girl. The whole time I was pregnant, 1) I did not know because my menstrual cycle started at the age of 12 & 2) I kept the rape hidden from my mother and father + stepfather for months. My mother had bought me a home pregnancy to take, in which in fact, I refused. I ended up taking the pregnancy test while my mother was working in her store that we actually had lived above. I must've done the pregnancy test wrong or lied to my mother but I told her it showed I wasn't pregnant. So a month or two went by & still no period and lots of weight gain. My mother wind up making me go get blood work done. That ended up coming back saying I was pregnant. She called me into her bedroom that day she had gotten the results and cried hysterically to me. She continuously asked me who could of possibly done this to me & constantly kept accusing my brother's friends. I eventually told her who it was and she stood there for moment in shock and didn't believe me at first. She called in who I told her who it was and he kind of acted "dumbfounded" at first, but eventually gave in telling her.

    After that day was all done, the following day, my father got the news from my older sister. The cops were called by him and that day was just hell. I had to go to the juvenile center and explain everything to them while crying my heart out. After that, I had to be placed in the home with my father, away from my mother and stepfather. Eventually, I ended up going back home to my mother.

    I went to go get an abortion in early November because I was 12 years old, pregnant with a child by a relative who is blood-related to me & it shouldn't of happen. I was too far into the pregnancy to get an abortion. They told me I was 6 months pregnant already and I had to go through with the pregnancy & adoption was an option. My mother & myself cried leaving the abortion center, but walking towards my mother's car I felt something I had never felt before .. I felt my baby kick for the first time. The feeling I got when I felt her kick was indescribable. Regardless that she was created between two blood relatives didn't mean anything to me at the moment, just that kick said it all. I felt a human being inside me at such a young age. That is one of god's greatest gifts .. to be able to hold a child within your body.

    Adoption was never my choice. My father had even wanted me to give my baby up to my god parents in Puerto Rico and we (my mother & myself) declined that. My mother offered me to care for my baby because she was here already and there was nothing we could do. It was constant battles between my mother & father about my whole pregnancy, even in the hospital after I had given birth, they argued in my hospital room. Eventually, a social worker had came into my room to figure out what was going on with my whole case. After that day, my life spiraled downhill. I had to deal with DYFS for 7 years of MY LIFE & MY DAUGHTER'S life.

    I went through hell and back. I had appointments for my daughter so much with therapists & genetics. Eventually they found out that my daughter is developmentally delayed by about 2 years. We've been through so much with DYFS, foster families and whatnot.

    My daughter was nearly adopted through DYFS also. She was in a foster home for false allegations of being sexually abused. The sick part about it all is that they removed my daughter from her previous foster home, which was with myself & my dad's ex-girlfriend, while I was her foster child as well, I was 16 years old at the time & no one was home except for my daughter & myself. My dad's ex girlfriend was our foster mother after taking us out of another foster home in Jersey City. I was a minor and my child had been removed from my home without my foster mother being home, she was on her way home from work as this social worker came and removed my daughter from me. She was not even informed by DYFS that they were coming to remove her, I had to call her up, panicking & crying uncontrollably telling her all that.

    She was placed into a Christian foster home with a family a social worker met through a school in Bayonne, NJ. The allegations were made saying that my daughter was "masturbing" at school at the age of 4 and was "sexually assaulted." The investigation only went on for about 3-4 months until they stopped looking into the investigation. I was told this by a social worker while I was in court. my daughter was in foster care for about a year and a half until I did everything I could to get her back to me which included following everything DYFS had told me to do and cooperate.

    I got my baby girl back on June 29th, 2012 permanently and was still being monitored for about 6-7 months. Once they reviewed everything, they ended up closing my case & reopening it for some reason in which I do not remember why and they kept it open for about another 6 months. Finally, my case closed & I felt like I could breathe again. I felt like me and my daughter were free & weren't being watched by these people anymore.

    They took advantage of me and my family because we are Hispanic. By an adoptive case worker, I was even told that that's what most social workers do. They see Hispanic families and try to take advantage of them because THEY ARE Hispanic and don't feel as if they defend themselves as a Caucasian person would. I eventually wind up opening my mouth, cut the bullshit with a public defender and got myself a private lawyer. I would love to give credit on behalf of my amazing lawyer, Allison Williams, who had flipped my case around and is the reason I got my daughter back. She fought so hard for me and felt no need for my daughter to be away from.

    I just wanted to share my story briefly because I've been through so much at such a young age, but I feel like I accomplished so much being so young. My dream is to meet Dr. Drew and being able to share my stories with young females who may have been raped or molested because I've dealt with both & to talk to young girls about pregnancy. My grandfather from my mother's side which is her father, had molested me even after the fact of knowing I just had given birth to a child that was made through incest, as if I hadn't just gone through enough. It broke my heart because people who were supposed to love me unconditionally because they were family, hurt me & they hurt me the worst out of everyone. I forgive my relative for the "rape" but I will never forgive my grandfather for what he had done. I didn't deserve any of the things that happened to me. I don't play the victim, I just want to share a story that needs to be heard because things like this do happen & I was one of those unfortunate people that it had to happen too.

    I will always love my daughter, because she is soley MY daughter. She is perfect in my eyes, even though what had happened to me and how she was created. She is beautiful inside and out.

    This is my baby & she is wonderful.
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