- Posted February 7, 2014 by
This iReport is part of an assignment:
The written word: Your personal essays
Man connecting with cat
The above is a Jack Handy (Al Franken) quote that made me laugh. When I laugh like that, life seems so perfect - Stress has melted away and only joy remains, washing over my whole body. I am thinking at this point that my efforts to capitalize on the whole "Low Carb" rage that seems to have swept over all of mankind, are perhaps shortsighted and I might be better suited to pursue a supplement that would yield the same therapeutic effect that laughter brings me. Abandoning my low carbohydrate bourbon, cigarettes, enema and shoelaces in favor of such a supplement is not a decision that I wish to make in haste, but I am feeling a higher calling. I am not sure where I will market this supplement and haven't yet thought of a name, but I am imagining that I will put young, attractive, muscular people on the front of the label - A man and a woman who are in some sort of suggestive pose that has nothing whatsoever to do with the product but would certainly serve to enhance sales. She might be in a thong and perhaps he too - I haven't really got that far. I guess I also need a disclaimer of some sort as well, to pacify my legal team who tried so desperately to warn me about marketing low carbohydrate bourbon, cigarettes, enemas and shoelaces. Maybe the warning was about packaging the 4 items together - I don't really remember.
Additional doses of therapy often come from my children and I find that I only need pay attention to their dialogue for a brief period before true comedy comes to the surface. One such example is my son Grant insisting that callers speak to his cat before he will allow them access to the party they called for. This is not so funny when I call and am unable to speak to his mother until "The Woo Woo", as he refers to his cat, and I engage in dialogue. If you have never spoken to a cat, I assure you that initially, it can be a daunting task - especially over the phone. Fortunately these episodes only tend to occur when I have something of urgency to share with my wife or when my cell phone battery is about to die. I will say, however that it has been during these such calls that the Woo Woo and I have come to really know one another. The periods of silence as my sentences trail off have always left me feeling the Woo Woo's quiet contemplation as perhaps he wonders why I am talking to a cat over the telephone while the information I share seems to lack any real immediacy and could certainly wait until I get home, where the Woo Woo and I could chat face to face over a quiet meal of rodent entrails or perhaps some tuna seared with low carbohydrate bourbon.
There was indeed a time in my life when talking to a cat would seem demeaning but at this point in my existence, I find a certain comfort in his non judgmental ways. Even my most embarrassing of stories and deepest insecurities have garnered only nuzzles of affection and comforting purrs that reassure me that I am not the only one who still fears showing up at work in my underwear - Am I the only one still having those dreams? I really am not a cat lover but I can get through nary a sentence without our dogs having to lick me in some excited manner while they bound about wildly, which tells me they are not really paying attention to me anyway. Opening up to humans often has a short term calming affect but ultimately I feel shortchanged and still somber as I struggle to come to terms with my minds restless nature. Humans cannot seem to bring me the peace and comfort that I long for plus they tend to lick me too. At days end, I want only a friend to be there for me and help me to embrace the journey ahead. I love you Woo Woo.