- Posted February 26, 2014 by
She needed to fly…
Coming to an unknown land for the second Masters was not a decision she made out of the fancy or thrill of having a courageous or bold career at a later stage in life. It was a decision made by her out of no option left after looking at herself and a miserable life that she was leading. Sounds weird maybe, but as a matter of fact it was a new destined fate she took into her grasps after sacrificing some of the most precious thing in her 27 year old life.
Destiny is the most powerful and imposing thing in a person’s life, influential and more authoritative than money.
Surviving a divorce at a very tender age is not an easy thing for a young girl who had loved her man with her mind, heart, body and soul for a long time. Some things in life are not meant to work out though acceptance of this fact is very hard, and sometimes quite next to impossible to absorb.
That young girl had imagined of a life after the incidence of being in a place where she would not know anyone and no one would know her as a broken piece of a tattered marriage. Where no one would prevent her scars from drying up by natural means, where no one would leave it more scarred everyday through tormenting episodes of storming questions and answers regarding the situations of her broken matrimonial life.
The society that she left unintentionally was not a very comfortable one for her after her change in status. It’s quite hard to swallow the fact that this is still somehow an integral factor that measures the level of dignity, integrity for a woman in many parts of the world, even till today.
She was already not just broken in her dreams, in her life, but her heart was already crushed into millions of pieces before she set herself out into the bold, unaccompanied voyage for a new world to settle in again. Many of those broken pieces of her heart were thrown away by the surroundings into trashes, not knowing that they were the actual pieces that made ‘her’. Each day she was losing all those broken pieces, one by one; it was very hard to keep an account of so many millions of pieces that made the whole of her. She was becoming ‘not mendable’ everyday. How long could she just sit with those pieces in hands while many of them were in the process of getting lost, and hoping that someday someone would come and glue them all together again? How long should she wait? Weeks, months, years? Well, time had already run very fast. She waited but it only made her lose those shattered pieces even more, when all that she was left with were the few big ones to save up for.
But now she needed to fly. She was desperate to open up her wings which were dry, crunched in and twisted, some feathers lost. But she wanted to open them and fly up from a situation where she was suffocating everyday from constant social, peer and emotional stress, pressures. That was constantly choking her emotionally, mentally and spiritually to lose her mental stability as an ordinary human being.
It was time that she must leave in order to save her life from a point of insanity that was about to engulf her slowly. It was the right time, a critical and very scary turning point of her life. She was apprehending that in one hand she was burying the most cherished dream of her life with agony and pain, and in another hand sail the boat for another unknown land that she dreamt of. Her heart was blank; its emotions were all paralyzed. Too much of sentiments were working into that small heart all at a time. There were too many questions for a little heart to answer. But one thing she knew, that she had to mend herself again, she had to stand up again and she had to live again with her lost identity. And that she had to find back all her lost pieces only by herself again and it again had to be her to repair all those lost pieces. It was a work, she never did before, a work she had no experience working with before, there was no mentor but only she had the sole responsibility of doing it. It was tough, challenging for her, but not impossible.
She landed into her new world for a new life, her body was there, but her mind, her soul, and her heart could not make it. She was metaphorically dead as a rational human being, with no emotions working within her anymore. She was numbed thinking about the light years that she came away from home, leaving family, friends, nest, and her surroundings but then there were no point of returning back. She was alone in this different world, amidst all new unknown people, completely by herself, scared, and fearful of survival. She did not know where and how she was supposed to start. There were no guidelines, no support and nothing in her mind. On top of that the mixture of past memories was enough to torture and torment every moment to leave her with thousand unanswered questions.
Every-day was a battle she had to fight back tearfully, painfully, with a heart crying out silently but violently inside her, creating tornadoes of failed emotions. Dreams were so haunting, that she was scared to fall asleep. Nights would welcome her with dark horrific hallucination of footsteps that would make her run out and stand in the chilly snowy nights to look out for sum one she left hundreds of oceans behind. Each day brought her close to another new sets of battle that she was desperately fighting in her mind to settle back in. But everyday was a new victory though, a step closer to finding those lost pieces, a step closer to mending her own-self. There were moments which completely broke her, made her fall down into her knees, begging to God to give her more strength, strength to carry on this lonely expedition.
But she never lost strength and hope despite breaking down every time. There were moments she made her shadows her best friend, coz she knew that it will never betray her, or leave her till her last breath. She gradually gained back all her strength by conquering all her weakness, her fear and her pain. She has transformed her misery into her will-force to be a better human being,with better self-integrity. She is now fearless, respectful in her own eyes and free from all her pain and agony. She now smiles with all her distress because she has now learnt to transform all her failures and anguish into her complete strength. She is now enough, enough for herself..