- Posted March 12, 2014 by
new orleans, Louisiana
I did not fight on the battle ground, but I did suffer with a bout of Major Depression. I had what the Military use to call Solider's Heart. I lived in a bad area, where crime was rampant. Had two children to raise, and a not so good job. For myself it was things I had pushed down, I never wanted to show that I was not tough. Well, you can only live this way for so long, and it comes to the surface. The stress that these men and woman had to go through, the longest War in American History, changes the brain chemistry. Because stress is a way of telling us your going to blow. Well, I had a major panic attack, that went into a deep depression. I was fighting for my life. I did not sleep for weeks, my mind raced, I recalled every conversation I ever had. Then it turned into Suicide thoughts. I cried non stop for days. Finally, I was loosing weight and I told my daughter, I had to go the hospital, I just could not stand it anymore. I was put in a local Mental Hospital. They told me I was depressed. To find a doctor and get help. Well, I was so out of it, I could not even remember that I knew a Psychiatrist. I was fighting that I would not loose my mind, or take my life. Depression is the most painful thing you can go through. They compare it to the pain of cancer. You have to go into a battle, like War, to save your mind. This battle takes time. I was hospital again, because the anxiety was so high. I could not get suicide out of my mind, because of the Pain. Finally my doctor, treated the anxiety, which I believe is connect to PTS. If you can get the anxiety down you can start trying meds. This will not happen over night it is a journey. You need one person who you can tell everything that happen to you in War, or before. Someone needs to look after you day and night. Your job is to fight your way through. You will come out on the other side. I cried for 1year and 1/2 every day. Finally after 2 years, I started to fell better. Lets not kid ourselves we are changed forever. You will have days where something will trigger, it all over again. If you can just get the pain under control, you will survive. I think because the men, are so young it's hard to see light at the end of the tunnel. It's the hardest fight of your life, but if you make it to the other side you will be grateful. I prayed a lot. Remember it's the Chemicals in your brain from Stress that are off. You can balance them it takes time. My doctor, said he was proud of me, because most people would have not made it. Please if I can help anyone with my story, let me know. For the men and woman who could not make it through, it is not their fault. What they are going through is a fight, a war with out end. God Bless, the Men and Woman who fought for our Freedoms. Please remember, you can and will make it through. It just takes time.