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    Posted March 25, 2014 by
    mshelley19
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    The written word: Your personal essays

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    My Journey with Gastroparesis

     
    Have you ever had to face something so big it almost seems impossible to keep fighting everyday? Have you ever asked God "why me?" or even yelling at God telling asking him "When will life get better?" I think we all have felt this way at one point in our lives...However when we are struggling all we need from God is to know that everything will be okay and He'll take care of all our struggles and doubts. Often times we turn away from him when life seems to hit rock bottom. You are angry, depressed, hurt, and sometimes all these emotions make us feel like God isn't there for us anymore.I'll admit it is hard to trust God to take care of everything when it seems that nothing has ever gone right. No matter what happens today, tomorrow, or even five years from now we have to understand that everything happens for a reason and God is holding us right now. I'll admit it is hard to trust God to take care of everything when it seems that nothing has ever gone right. It's something far beyond anyone's understand to know that things do get better and it will all be okay soon enough. Sometimes it is hard to believe these things and I will say one thing I struggle with is trusting God.

    For those who don't know I have a rare disease called "Gastroparesis." Gastroparesis literally means "paralyzed stomach" It feels like having the flu everyday of your life! This digestive disease has rendered my body's ability to digest food, get proper nutrition, and eat food normally. Therefore I am depended on IV nutrition, several different medications, and a strict NO food diet. Roughly two weeks ago my family and I traveled to Ohio where I could receive treatment and specialized testing from one of the top pediatric specialists for my disease in the country. The results we got were not what we expected. They were not good results either and treatment options are very slim. I'm upset and scared. At this point I don't know what to expect. All I know is that I don't want to be sick anymore. There are those times when all you do is sit up in your room and cry. I just keep asking "Is this really what God had in store for me." "Why would he do this to me? I didn't do anything wrong." or "If God really loved me He wouldn't do this to me." But I know I need Him more than ever right now. We just have to keep praying for a miracle. We have to keep praying that one day soon there will be a cure.

    There's this phrase that always stands out to me and it says "Never get mad at God for what He can put you through." That is so true. God is going to always be there for me. Everyday he helps me fight to survive and I think I am blessed to have been specially chosen with this battle that God has in store. This fight is a battle. It's so hard yet so beautiful. My life is beautiful because it is turning out exactly the way God planned it to. Maybe He is just making me stronger and preparing me to face tomorrow with a big smile on my face. I think it is far beyond anyone's understand about what is His reason for making us face these obstacles. I just know He will help me through it. I am looking at life for the positives. I am alive, breathing, and still fighting. Everyday I thank God for the opportunity of another day I beat the odds.

    I don't think I could have gotten this far without Him in my life. I know I need him more than ever when things are going downhill. No matter what you may be struggling with in your life understand that God is always there and will never abandon you despite the circumstances. The one thing we have to remember is that "God's Got This." He is fighting with you every step of the way and has a plan that will be far greater than anything we could ever believe.

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