- Posted March 26, 2014 by
This iReport is part of an assignment:
Love And The Suppressed Truth
By: Kenneth Stepp
Suppressing one’s feelings must be an eternal phenomenon. I know that I have become a victim of it. Although, processing what is in my heart enough to admit that I have suppressed rather than deny my feelings. Embracing truth in a world that is, at times, void of truth, has been a difficult journey. But, one I had to take.
What we lovingly call, “a human experience”, is in fact, not for the faint of heart. It can be full of pain, confusion, and deep hurt. One can easily cause damage to another without meaning to. I have been the recipient and a person the cause for other’s pain. It seems that we have very small margins in the relationship arena.
Romantic Love Happens
My history, especially over the past eight years is froth with all of these components. The worst coming from a rebound relationship that I should have been smart enough to avoid. But ran headlong into it, the damage severe and lasting. The one thing that I will have to say, I learned from Kevin Myers. My past may explain me, but should never excuse me. And fo this reason, I process, ponder, and sift through the muck of it all, in hopes of becoming a better human, in this human experience.
Friends Come And Go
Perhaps the second hardest thing I was forced to go through was the loss of friends. That doesn’t sound devastating. But, it was very hurtful. Eight years ago I lost everything. I experienced a 1.3 million dollar theft in my business. I went from about 70k per month in income, to nothing. From respect to disgrace, from proud to shamed. You would think that this would have been the hardest part. It wasn’t. I had three “best friends” back then. When I was at my lowest, they actually got together and decided “leaving me alone to deal with this” would be the “best for me”. It was completely crippling. I wasn’t in any condition to form new relationships, and the people I loved and trusted the most, simply agreed on an excuse to abandon me when the relationship became hard to be on the inside of. I didn’t hear from them for years. Until one needed a favor
For me the answers aren’t available yet. May never will be available. So, “The Answer” may be misleading. It wasn’t meant to be. I can say this. If we depend on anyone else for anything at all, we will be disappointed at times. Blaming someone else for your pain is not something that works well to correct the situation. Do I blame my rebound relationship? Not at all. She did what was right for her. I do wish she had understood what real love was. It would have kept her from telling me she loved me. Believing that became and at times, still is a source of deep hurt. As for my three friends. I have come to understand that they have been involved in a lifestyle (religion), that prohibits real love, but makes being judgmental feel as if you are loving. So, it’s a weak way to live life, it damages all who are not staying between their view of proper lines. But, they really couldn’t help it.
Stay true to who and what you are. Trust only yourself, unless real, unconditional love is both given and received. Beyond this. Stay logical people. It really is the way to go.