- Posted April 3, 2014 by
Deer Park, Washington
This iReport is part of an assignment:
The written word: Your personal essays
One Decision Away
Every single person on this planet is one decision away from being a nice person, a killer, a passionate lover, a great father or a horrible father.
Some say Mental Illness is what caused this Ft. Hood Shooter to rampage off onto the base? I say any person ANY has the ability to take a gun and shoot up a school, grocery store, or an army base. They do not have to have a mental illness.
I know for myself when I was younger I was violent. I would have outbursts and now I stay out of crowds and I cannot sleep some nights then again some days I fall completely asleep. But even at 41 I am just one step away from anything you can imagine. So what decision have I made to prevent me from doing all the horrible things in life?
I have chosen to be an absolutely committed father. I have had mental illness for years and pretty much all of it is the environment related. I have taken myself out of those environments but I still live with the horrors of life. The further I get away from those controlling situations the more my mental illness becomes prominent. It is because I do not have to deal with some of the stresses before and more time for my mental illnesses become prominent if that makes sense.
I have seen the worst of this life and I have every reason to tear up humanity. Why don't I? Because I have devoted my life to my daughter. She is an amazing young lady and only 3 years old. I document on facebook my life. I download it every month its about 600 mb of data so yeah she has alot to see of my life. But she will know her father and I hope she learns from my life. I am a genius there is no doubt about that I have been tested and I read a lot and the only reason I am smart now is so I can leave behind a brilliant legacy for her.
Her mom and I are her only close relatives that live where we live. So if I document my life she I hopes never feel lonely. I know lonely all to well. Sitting in a home for 5 years so I did not have to be around others is lonely.
Yes I have PTSD and yes I have depression and anxiety and I am like all people one step away from being a good father or horrible father. I choose to be the best father I can be. My Skye deserves my devotion and love. And loving her mother is one step and decision in the right direction.
If your reading this and have ptsd? Respect ptsd, depression and anxiety. They will bring you down to your knees and your one decision can make you an amazing person. Don't allow the stigmas in your life no matter how bad it is.
Oh and people not in the military that have PTSD? Your special we get no attention or good testing but your special know that. And no your not a murderer or a suicide statistic your just battling a war in the battlefield here in America. Keep the good war going.
And for people to say we need to support our veterans and warriors in combat is an insult to those of us who could not serve. As simple civilians we deserve just as much help as a veteran. Our country says "NO you cannot serve" Then we are born into a poor environment and cannot get out of the country that will not support us is pathetic. What is the use of a veteran if our country wages a war against us here in America. Those of us that live in the USA and cannot do combat across the seas we wage our war here in America. Some of us our entire lives is a war. Veterans do an awesome job at making sure the wars are not fought here but America needs to wake up and realize that PTSD is an epidemic here in America NOT just our Great Veterans.