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    Posted April 13, 2014 by

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            In Curacao the celebration black face piet known as zwarte piet has gone on for centries in schools . As a child growing up at age 8 i knew that this celebration felt evil . But evil in what way i did not know. I only knew that black face piet is a ugly and mean image of me as a black person. Nightmares of black piet woud hunt me threw the nights.I realized that this image had a big inpact on my life as a child growing up .at age 10 i felt depressed because no matter how i look at myself in the mirror what i saw was this stupid black worthless ugly negro. I have one sibling that have a lighter skin complexion. I felt that my sibling was treated differently. We did not have this close sibling bond. i got rebeliant i had inferiority complex and i was depressed and i hatted myself . I tried so hard to be myself but i could not find myself .I did not have a personality i felt empty on the inside . I was a lost soul. I felt like my soul was crying and bleeding at the same time. I felt rejected ,worthless, angry, lonely, sorry for myself and suicidal. Nobody understood what i was going threw.I was forced to go to family partys knowing that i would be sitting alone on a chair.I felt like a black face monster. more and more i distance myself from people i hatted people. My room and my paintings was my refuge.Although i had everything i needed as a child growing up. Life and the world was not a happy place for me to be. At age 13 i could not deal with this sick filling anymore although suicide was always on my mind i coud not kill myself.At that moment i realized that this is a battle that i would have to fight on my own. At age 19 i married my first best friend i did not know what love was becaus i did not love myself. all i knew was that i found a friend that understood me and he would do anything to see me smile.I felt that he was too good for me and that i did not deserve him .Up to this day he is my best friend . After a few years married i got children one child with a lighter skin complexion and the other child with a dark skin complexion .My children went to the black face piet celebration in school. After some time my child with a dark skin complexion told me that he no longer wants to go to the black face piet celebration he said that the celebration is mean stupid and ugly. after that my child would get nightmares every night for years. Nightmares that i just could not wake my child up from. After some time i observed that my children discriminated each other by the color of there skin and my child with a dark skin complexion had a low self esteem and was depressed.I realized after all these years i was not the problem. I can not blame my parents for not knowing better those days .I blame all the prime ministers,ministers and the govermen and the governor of Curacao for being so eresponsebel for letting this sick celebration go on for years in their country. for keeping their people all these years in the dark knowing that it is racism. And that the celebration of black face piet known as zwarte piet is not a healthy educational celebration for kids. IT doe

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