- Posted May 2, 2014 by
San Francisco, California
This iReport is part of an assignment:
The written word: Your personal essays
Question: "If I'm So Wonderful, Why Am I Still Single? (or in an Unhappy Relationship?)"
You may find the answers for – why you’re not in a fulfilling love relationship by using your personal astrology and understanding how the planets in the sky are affecting you. When the planet Saturn visits (i.e. “transits”) your 7th House of Partnership, you may find the reasons for your discontent.
Saturn energies can make you depressed about being alone. Even if you're in a relationship you may feel like you're alone, if your needs are not being met by your partner.
If this is the case, Saturn's lesson is about getting you in touch with the limitations and restrictions that may be prohibiting you from finding the right relationship. In your attempts to find the right one, something maybe wrong in the way you've gone about it; so now is the time to ask yourself what it might be.
I remind clients who feel a bit down when Saturn transits their 7th House, to remember - that it's only temporary. Saturn's presence is there to help you re-evaluate any changes you might make that would bring a love relationship into you life. If you spend too much time by yourself, perhaps it's time to get out of the house and socialize with others. If you're so critical that no one seems interesting, maybe it's time a meet different people or reevaluate your standards. Or, maybe it's time to come to terms with whether you actually want a romantic partner in your life. Saturn is there to encourage some change that will help you get what you want.
If you've been dating someone exclusively, seeking a long-term relationship, this can be a serious and intense time of deciding to have a committed love relationship in the form of marriage or living together. Or, it maybe time to be realistic and recognize that you are not in a relationship that will lead to the long-run commitment you want. Saturn's message: Review and re-evaluate your relationships (or lack of).
Being Single & Looking for the "Perfect Mate"
In my astrological consultations I meet with lots of single people who sincerely want to find a wonderful love relationship, get married and build a life with someone. Many of them are frustrated that after dating so long and having numerous relationships, they still haven't found the right one. In fact, I frequently get asked: "How come it's so hard for me to find the right guy (or gal)?" Of course, their personal birth chart usually reveals the answer. I explain to them, "Saturn transiting through your 7th House may provide you with an answer to that question, along with some important insights to consider."
Saturn brings realism and practicality to the affairs of your heart. If you've been frustrated in your attempt to find a special love relationship, you need to make an honest assessment of yourself and your attitude towards the romantic prospects you're meeting. One question to ask yourself is: "Are you too picky and critical when it comes to selecting a potential mate?"
If your answer is yes, then it may be time to be more accepting of yourself and your own imperfections. By doing so, you'll be more likely to not seek perfection in another person. This will allow you to make an adjustment from what may be unrealistic standards to ones that are more reasonable and attainable. You'll suddenly open up the field of relationship possibilities and find it far easier to meet partners who are compatible and potential mates.
When I was single, I remember periods of endless dating, never finding the right woman for me. Part of my problem was that I was "stuck" on my list of criteria I insisted a woman meet before I would consider her for a relationship. Many of my wants were important, but many were not. I had a specific picture of how the perfect woman had to be. I came to realize that picture guaranteed I would be a lonely bachelor forever. Eventually, I changed my picture and the most amazing love relationship I've could have ever imagined came into my life.
Ask yourself: Is it time for you to let go of certain relationship requirements that in the past were fixed, in order to make it possible to achieve the goal of having a close relationship? If you genuinely do this, you'll allow marriage to be a distinct possibility that might not have been possible before Saturn transited your 7th House. If you're willing to make these adjustments, Saturn's influence in your life has the ability to make a relationship show up in reality.
You may know a single person who has unrealistically high standards and who's always critical of the people they date. Often, their critical behavior is based on deep-rooted psychological issues, which may require therapy and counseling to help them resolve their issues. But for others, they may need to adjust their standards from perfection to human. Ironically, such a person may attract a relationship into their life that they find totally exciting and captivating. In fact, they're sure they have finally found the perfect soul mate - their ideal marriage partner, only to ultimately find that the other person was unsuitable and not really a good match for them. They're disappointed that the person didn't measure up to their expectations, yet they failed to realize that it was their expectations that caused their dissatisfaction - not the other person. You can change your expectations but you can't change the other person.
If you've had this experience, especially during Saturn's transit to your 7th House, it's an opportunity for you to take responsibility for your inability to find a suitable partner. Never forget: when you have a relationship with someone who ends up not meeting your standards, the common denominator is YOU! Therefore, it's time to re-examine your approach to love relationships, your criteria and expectations. The energies of Saturn will help you become realistic and find a new approach to bringing a love relationship into your life.
If you want to know where your personal transits are--and to find out if you have any in the 7th House - that are affecting you now, go to the Free Transit Calculator and enter your birth date. You may find out that Saturn, or other personal transits are bringing change into your life, right now.
Larry Schwimmer is a columnist for The Huffington Post. He is an astrologer in private practice. For private consultations contact him at: Larry@astrodecision.com or go to www.AstroDecision.com
Read Larry Schwimmer's latest books, What the Hell is Going On in My Life? Using Your Birthdate to Find Answers About Relationships, Career, Money, Sex & Health.