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    Posted May 9, 2014 by
    Montpelier, Indiana
    This iReport is part of an assignment:
    Going public with mental illness

    He was her everything.....


    Justin and Carrie Ervin were brother and sister. Growing up in Montpelier, Indiana on a farm. Just 22 months apart in age. Carrie always adored her brother, he was her everything. They were so close, they would get each other Valentine cards. The last card I saw said I love you, brother.

    Everything changed on July, 7, 2007, when Justin, just 19 came up missing. On his way to his best friend's birthday party. Justin never showed up for that party. As we all searched through the night and the weekend, he laid dead in the woods. Shot in the face with a shot gun. When he was found, he was wearing somebody else's clothes, which was very unusual for him.  It was a mother's worst nightmare.

    Things like this do not happen to our family. How could this have happened? His friends that had joined the service saluted him as they lowered him into his grave as his sister, age 17 refused to leave.

    Carrie suffered for the next 16 months. She had previously been a model student. She was an avid volleyball, softball & basketball player, receiving honors. Graduated from beauty school at the age of 17. She so loved her brother. After all, he was her everything. She turned to drugs and alcohol. She was in and out of trouble with the law. She served time in jail. She became involved in accidents. My model student had become a beautiful disaster. She would post on my space, "save me from myself". Trying to save her was the one thing we had strived so hard to achieve, but the one thing that no one could do. She would go to the grave and point to the grave next to his and say, "I will be there soon". I would get so mad at her.

    On Thanksgiving Day, November 26, 2009. I received the dreaded call. I did not even receive the decency to get notified in person. The caller stated the coroner needed to speak to me. He said we brought in a 20 year old female, unresponsive. I said, Oh my God, is it one of Carrie's friends? He said no. We did not get her back, and it was your, daughter, Carrie. Carrie died of an alcohol, drug overdose. They ruled it was an accidental overdose. Again, we would bury our last child. All my dreams were now gone.

    The ones who left have no more pain. The survivors are now left to pick up the pieces to mourn for what we wanted our children to become professionals. There would be no more memories, no more pictures, and most of all no more dreams.

    Carrie's friend, Megan would still call and check on me. She left us at the age of 23. She was kidnapped and murdered by a former boyfriend she dated only briefly. She jumped out of the car to try and save herself. He was having no part of her saving herself. He stopped the car and shot her as she was jumping. Then two more times as she lay in the road. I did not attend this furneral. My heart could take no more breaks, there were too many holes.

    I ask of anyone contemplating suicide, think of your loved ones. They are the ones left to pick up the pieces. If you could picture your family and friends after your suicide, I guarentee you would think twice. Because if you have committed suicide, you've just killed them. My children now seem as someone I used to know. Because my children would have never completed such an act. Love your family, never forget to say I love you. We may never get a second chance. 

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