- Posted May 15, 2014 by
This iReport is part of an assignment:
The written word: Your personal essays
Depression - Is It Real?
I was diagnosed with mild depression about three years ago. I sought help because I didn’t know if what I was going through was normal. Obviously, it wasn’t.
Up until then, I thought that I deserved it, that I deserved to feel like I did. It was all I could do to put up that front of being okay. When I had bouts of depression, I would be quiet and reserved, not my usual self. People would notice because it wasn’t normal for me to be that quiet. I would smile and pretend I was fine, but inside, it felt like the world had ended, like the walls kept crumbling down around me.
I still suffer from depression, but it hasn’t been quite that bad recently. Except this past January.
This was a month before I left home to work national service. I won’t go into detail but I was close that cold, bright and sunny day. Closer than I ever had been before to ending my life, to taking “the easy way out.”
That’s what people think, anyways. It’s not so much of being the easy way out. It’s more about it being the only way to end the pain, an end to the dark and daunting thoughts that have haunted me the past few years. It was an end to feeling useless and hopeless.
If I hadn’t had the friend that I have at that time, if they hadn’t put into perspective how special my life is, I don’t think I would be here now. They talked me out of self-harm and thoughts of suicide, and put me back on the path of the straight and narrow.
It’s not that I was weak. I wasn’t. It made me a stronger person. I have a better perspective on my life and how I can make an impact on others. I look at everything through different eyes. I am very lucky and very blessed that I’m still here and that I’ve had the experiences I’ve had.
For all of those who are going through depression, who are suicidal, I just want to say that you all are special and amazing. You are strong. I know exactly what you are going through and I know that it’s hard. I have been there, I had to force myself to get out of bed and face the day. I know exactly what it’s like.
Depression is a very real thing. It’s something many people are struggling through or have done so; whether their story ends as a success or otherwise, it’s a continuous struggle. I still struggle with it now, even though it’s not as bad as it has been.
I take the good days with the bad. I’ve surrounded myself with people who care about my wellbeing. I’m doing something that keeps my mind off everything negative that’s ever run through my head. That’s what makes a difference for me. I couldn’t imagine life any other way but doing this, finding a healthy way to cope with depression. I’ve also found that writing helps me. Usually, after I write a poem or short story, my feelings have been vented and I can walk away. I feel less depressed, less like the whole world is against me. And I can finally see the light at the end of the tunnel.
I finally feel like I can beat depression. Even if I do live with it all my life, it’s become a lot easier to cope with.
For you who is in your dark place, who thinks that you can’t ever stop the thoughts haunting your mind - you are stronger than you think. You have a reason to walk away and leave those thoughts behind. For you who think that suicide is the only option – it’s not. You have so much to live for. You are worth more than you think you do. I know because I’ve lived through it.