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    Posted June 8, 2014 by
    Bangkok, Thailand

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    Aye, Caesar, but not gone....

    A soothsayer has now predicted that General Prayuth would be prime minister. It is destiny: in a previous life, he was the most trusted advisor of King Naresuan, one of the most heroic figure of Thai history and the subject of a neverending film series by Thailand’s royal mogul, Prince Chalermchatri Yugala.

    Varin Buaviratlert is an extremely well known fortuneteller whose clients not only include the current military ruler of Thailand, but also General Sonthi, mastermind behind the 2006 coup that unseated fugitive ex-prime minister Thaksin Shinawatra ... also, oddly enough, one of the seer’s customers.

    A media blitz has been announced in order to quell a tide of negative international press. While some have thrown up their hands and imputed this to the entire world media being bribed by Mr. Thaksin, others are acknowledging that money is not the only way to persuade the press. Logic and reason are the innovative tools that have been marshalled for the latest wave of the information wars. Mr Sihasak Puangketkeow, permanent secretary for foreign affairs, is in the hot seat. Having been essentially thrust into the role of acting foreign minister, he’s been forced to switch from spouting one party line to advocating its exact opposite, though whether the switched hat is black or white depends on who you are talking to. The permanent secretary has been sent on a whirlwind tour to make the junta’s case for being the “low-carb dictatorship”. He is off to Geneva on Tuesday to attend a UN Human RIghts Council meeting.

    Many tried to sway the junta on the subject of the curfew, but the only point that almost tempted them to abandon this tool of repression was made by fans of the World Cup, who pointed out that football season would be ruined if people had to go home at midnight. In the end, the NCPO spokesman, Col Winthai, stated that “The World Cup is not the only factor under consideration when it comes to matters of national security.” The colonal went on to suggest that people should watch the world cup with their families at home, and that the curfew improves family relations.”

    Presumably those without children, or who have nocturnal jobs, or who simply want to walk around and get some air in the middle of the night, are a minuscule majority compared to the mass of nuclear families so desperate for quality time with their families that special legislation must invoked to ensure it.

    The army has come up with a policy to soothe the savage breast of dissent by the time-honored device of having free concerts in the park on Thursday afternoons. Happiness is much on the National Agenda.

    The idea of legislating “happiness” into being may be a leaf from the playbook of a certain other repressive, free-speech discouraging police island state down south, which has recently announced that its citizens should be compelled to have more fun. Unlike Singapore, Thailand has always suffered from too much fun. Perhaps Thailand will introduce caning next. Surely that would make up for never having been colonized. As always, the land of smiles is marching boldly into the future. It is hoped that the kingdom will soon clear the nineteenth century.
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