- Posted June 14, 2014 by
This iReport is part of an assignment:
The written word: Your personal essays
Single Again: What Women Want
by Lucy Connor
There are those who would say “Women have no idea what they want!” Maybe that is true, but I say most of us at least have a pretty good idea of what we desire when we are looking for a forever partner. The list of “wants” certainly varies woman to woman. There are some relatively universal truths, but even those vary according to the background, age, present situation and baggage being drug along.
I am going to take a really big leap and try my hand at one of the Universal Truths when it comes to a quality women would like to have in a partner. Women want a man who is honest about who he is… someone with a sense of personal integrity. Many of the women that are back out on the dating front have been through painful marriages and even more painful divorces. These ladies have been through hurt upon hurt, and the last thing they want to encounter at this point, is a man who gives a false impression of who he is and what he wants in a relationship. Quite often in today’s world, marriages end in the throes of infidelity. Undoubtedly, the infidelity is not always on the man. If, however, a woman has been through this, she already has a hard time trusting. The same thing is true if there was emotional or physical abuse, lies over finances, addictions or any number of other painful cover-ups in the marriage.
Upon extrication from a painful marriage, with lies squarely set in the center, it is no wonder that women crave a man they can trust at face value. The core, deep trust will come if the initial trust is not slapped away by lies engineered to simply get a date. A man needs to say who he is and his actions need to reflect that if he is going to win a woman’s trust and eventually, her heart.
It is important for us to know that when you declare that you know how to treat a woman, you walk that talk. It is critical that when the day comes that we mutually decided to date exclusively; you stop hanging out on that dating site 5 hours a day. It is imperative that when you say you are a family guy, we see you spending time with your family…and, when it is appropriate, we actually meet your kids. It is important that when you say you have a job, you do not spend every hour whining to us about the fact that you cannot afford to even go to the grocery store. It is beyond important that when you say you will do something, you follow through.
So many times in this world of digitization, people think they can get away with little white lies. Anyone can send an old or touched up picture to a future date, can stretch the truth about his religious beliefs, finances, and education. What will a little lie hurt if it can attract someone? Here is the thing, if you really want someone to love you, why would you want her to fall for a person you created that is part fact and part fiction?
Women, as men, need to know that they can count on the person they are dating. Every time something happens that does not fall in line with what your date has told you is part of his “person”, a red flag goes up. Guys, most women today are comfortable being independent. When the red flags keep rising, we cut our losses and get out of the relationship.
In the words of Piano Man, Billy Joel:
I can always find someone
To say they sympathize
If I wear my heart out on my sleeve
But I don't want some pretty face
To tell me pretty lies
All I want is someone to believe
Honesty is such a lonely word
Everyone is so untrue
Honesty is hardly ever heard
And mostly what I need from you