- Posted June 26, 2014 by
This iReport is part of an assignment:
The written word: Your personal essays
MY CAT IS MY THERAPIST
I used to have anger management issue. When I was very little, I cut a hole in our house' wall by using my father's machete. Nobody can come near me because I swung it around and threatened to cut them in pieces. I also chased my older brothers with a bladed weapon even when I was already an adult.
This violent outbursts that sometimes I cannot control will leave my friends scampering away. But deep inside, I tried to find a way to deal with it. For example, when I felt I am to lose myself, I will walk away or avoid talking to anybody that I felt will trigger my anger. Sometimes I will just banged my head on the wall or bit my hands to calm myself.
But I haven't seriously hurt anybody. There were times I caused somebody some bruises but I worked hard on making amends and I was forgiven. Later on in life, a friend brought me to a Therapist and his only question was, "Which part of my body that I felt numb during episodes of anger?" I told him, "my forehead." He looked very concern because the forehead is where our reasoning is, or part of. Losing it during anger means I don't have that consciousnessto think justly and it tends to become dangerous. So I sat in for some sessions but then I quit because instead of learning some techniques to deal with my anger. I heard stories of the other participants about how they choked their wives or twitched their arms and many more. I don't need it. I want a cure not listening to more severe outbursts than I already had.
I just became lucky finding a person who knows how to calm me down a bit when my temper is rising. She knows and understands the signs that is showing in my physical body when I am about to lose my temper and go berserk.
I wanted so hard to be able to diffuse my anger simply and effectively until one day our neighbour and good friend called us. They rescued a cat from a park which has been there for days. They were asking us to take her home because they have a pet bull dog.
Our house is carpeted so I was not sure if I wanted a pet much more a cat. But this family is really a good friend so out of courtesy I brought the cat home. We were supplied the litter box and gave us instructions how to care for her.
I named the cat Maully. But that moment when I came home, I tossed her outside in our backyard after our friend left. My mother told me when I was little, that cats will always find their way home. I was hoping she will just go away in her desire to go where she came from. A way of disposing her without letting our friend know that it was intentional.
We proceeded to eat our dinner while Maully was left in the backyard. It was eight in the evening when I remembered about the cat I opened the backyard door and curious whether she was still there. I had the shocked of my life when Maully cried on my face. She was clinging on the door screen right in front of my face!
I don't like fondling or embracing anything that I'm not sure is clean. But that moment, I just peeled her off from the screen and hugged her tight and brought her inside the house.
My roommate work nights. So I am left alone with Maully who strangely crawled in my pillow and I can hear her sucking it. Maully is chatty. She will always cry for food every morning. There was also one thing I've noticed, she uses her litter box indicating that she has been trained. Who could have left her in the park?
As months rolled on, Maully's presence became a daily part of my life. I never noticed that I seldom felt angry anymore. Everyday I spent my spare time with Maully. I became her loyal and nurturing foster parent.
Maully teaches me the art of compassion and gentleness. I can't yell anymore since Maully came because she'd scamper away and hide. I became conscious about my behaviour. I fell in love with Maully so that it makes it easy for me to be gentle towards her as I can feel her vulnerability. She took away those outbursts because she filled my life with gentleness as well. She made a huge diference in my life
Who wouldn't be?