- Posted July 20, 2014 by
This iReport is part of an assignment:
Impact Your World
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Abiola Abrams: Empowering "Bombshells" through Literature, Coaching, Mentoring, and Love
When I received an email from Abiola Abrams congratulating me on my work and having my book selected to be sold at the 2014 Essence Festival in New Orleans, I thought, to myself, maybe she emailed the wrong person. In my past 5 years in this industry as a writer very seldom do I receive emails from people, who I don’t know, to congratulate me on anything I do. But on this day, Abiola congratulated me, accepted a CNN interview from me, and encouraged me to keep writing. I was left shocked, just amazed that an established Author, Life Coach, and Writer took the time to acknowledge and empower a Woman who is living her life on purpose. In addition, on the day I interviewed with her, my boyfriend had broken up with me and I was hurt and down, but she made it her purpose to uplift and encourage me, while I was trying to learn more about her. Selfless, Caring, and Uplifting is a testament to the woman I had the pleasure of interviewing with.
Abiola Abrams is leading the feminine power revolution, redefining the word “bombshell” to mean a woman who loves and accepts herself, without apology. The in-demand coach, columnist, and speaker are also the founder of an award-winning blog and web series where she interviews other luminaries and shares powerful personal development lessons. From her online Love-Body-Spirit coaching programs to her new African Goddess Affirmation Cards, Abiola’s mission is to help women create breakthroughs.
Abiola Abrams is the author of "The Sacred Bombshell Handbook of Self-Love." She spins her magic as a Love-Body-Spirit ™ Breakthrough Coach and lifestyle journalist focused on women’s empowerment. The Essence.com love columnist and advice maven is known for giving wake-up-call self-esteem advice when it comes to relationships and healing on networks from the BBC to MTV and columns from Yahoo to Match.com. Abiola’s favorites among her previous inspirational projects include her first book, Dare (Simon & Schuster), a novel about a sociologist learning to love herself; award-winning documentary “Knives in My Throat;” being a Teen Dating Empowerment Coach on the MTV show “Made.” Like Tony Robbins, Iyanla Vanzant, and the Law of Attraction experts from “The Secret,” giving advice on TV talk shows such as the CW Network’s “The Bill Cunningham Show,” WETV’s “Braxton Family Values,” and Centric show “Him and Her Rules.”
The granddaughter of farmers on both sides, Abiola Abrams is a certified life coach. She also has a BA from Sarah Lawrence, and Master’s Degree from Vermont College. In addition she brings tools and inspiration from her personal history as the granddaughter of a Guyanese midwife and women’s fertility healer and daughter of a minister to her work. Abrams is a member of Alpha Kappa Alpha sorority, Inc.
What is your inspiration for empowering women?
Inspiration is my calling. In one way or another, this has always been the work that I have done. I am a fourth generation empowerment maven. I am the first person in my family to be born in America. My great-grandmother, known as “Ma,” helped women give birth to babies and I help women give birth to themselves. My great aunt had an unofficial boarding house in Guyana, South America known as the “White House”, right off the railroad line where anyone could get a hot meal and rest. My mother was a teacher; my father is a minister and journalist.
My family and I were bullied by both children and adults when I was growing up in New York. I was told to go back to my country although I was born here. Because of that, I always felt like the underdog. I feel like used food to harm myself because of the pain and hurt I received from others. I didn’t have the means to process it, but this was all a part of me learning how to love myself. This is what I teach with a multi-platform approach. We deserve to become the women we were born to be, the women who we envision.
Tell us about your book “The Sacred Bombshell Handbook of Self-Love”!
This is my second book. My first book entitled “Dare” was released in early 2008. It’s a novel about a sociologist learning to love herself. With “The Sacred Bombshell Handbook of Self-Love,” I’ve redefined the word “bombshell” to mean a woman who loves and accepts herself, mind, body, and spirit, without apology. We are all sacred bombshells; you, me, the mean lady at the bank, your next door neighbor. We just need to claim it. In The Sacred Bombshell Handbook of Self-Love, I share lessons from sacred bombshells such as: Maya Angelou, Josephine Baker, and Zora Neale Hurston. All of us grew up hearing “just love yourself” but we are rarely taught how. That’s why the book’s subtitle is “The 11 Forbidden Secrets of Feminine Power.”
Readers will find: healing modalities intercut with personal memoir, and concrete ways to increase confidence, self-esteem, and “self-being.” Self-being is a term and process that I created. I had a marriage come to an end and I felt very alone and unable to talk to my friends and family. I did not have access at that time to self- love but I had access to “self-being.” Self-being starts where you are. It begins with us making self-loving choices! A lack of self-love can appear as self-neglect. There are also ways we do harm to ourselves such as addiction or being afraid to live our dreams; these are different ways we can identify a self-love crisis.
I work with a women one-on-one and in groups as a coach; I am an empowerment speaker; and I write an Essence column called “Intimacy Intervention.” Someone once said, our mothers had “Dear Abby” and we have “Dear Abiola.” I love that. We are all on the same journey, all evolving and doing the best we can.
What are some of the things you feel prevent us from having self-love?
A lot of us feel like we don’t deserve to love ourselves or to be happy. Pattern breaking needs to happen. Like all of us, some of the people I learned from as a child did not have the mindset to teach me about loving myself. Often as women we learn to be people pleasers; we are taught the importance of making other people happy but not ourselves.
Some of us have issues with receiving positive energy and good things. We get so used to bad that we don’t recognize good when it’s given to us. We forget how to receive a compliment, a smile, or a conversation without thinking there is some kind of negative intention behind it.
Self-love starts on the inside. This is not about a beauty makeover. Do you treat yourself in loving ways, only allowing positive people into your consciousness? Do you love your body by working out and eating well? How often do you feed your spirit with prayer, meditation, or just sitting quietly? Do you get therapy and coaching when needed? The same mindset that created a problem is not the same mindset that will solve it.
We all deserve to be happy. For some people, it’s a controversial thing to even say those words because they don’t believe it. I often say we are “stressed, depressed, and well-dressed.” Everyone is going through something. But we deserve to be happy. It’s been said a million times, but bears repeating.
You are a life coach. Why did you choose to do that?
My objective is to help women to create sacred breakthroughs. Women come to me with everything going for them on the outside, but they feel dead on the inside. For example, I’ve had clients who went to law school only to please their parents.
My African Goddess Affirmation cards and personal coaching cards help those I can’t reach go deeper their your healing. I also have an online coaching program named, “Love, Body, Spirit Detox 2014.” Coaching programs include: the “Self Love Program,” “Heart Healing Program,” “Body Love Weight Release Program,” and “Heart Centered Business Program.”
Your website is www.abiolatv.com. What does the TV means?
Transformation and Victory! Many of us feel, “I will enjoy life when I am get there.”This is there! Your journey is your there! Every day is a new day for evolution. While we are breathing, there is still joy to be had so don’t forget to live. Learn how to find the joy in the journey, not when you get there.
When you wait until you get “there” to live you miss your life. Don’t say, “When I get that “whatever” I am going to enjoy my life. Nooo! Live for today because tomorrow is not promised. You have to enjoy the journey and there will be new things to enjoy once you get “there.” Don’t miss life another day! Find joy in the little things. If you have to be chained to the computer, go to the park to work! In the midst of everything, this is always some way to joy it. Stop sacrificing your joy so others can be happy. Learn how to enjoy with them and if you can’t, then it’s time to detox and get rid of the toxic people and situations.
What would you say are 3 things people need to detox?
Detox Your Limiting Belief Systems
Limiting beliefs are the easiest way we hold ourselves back. We pass these beliefs on and live with them daily. For example, vision boards don’t work because you can put up a vision board with photos of your goals but if you don’t believe in you, you will not get where you want to be. What you think, feel, and believe about yourself will dictate how far you can and will go.
Detox Your Toxic Relationships
Negative people don’t see greatness for themselves, so how will they ever see or feel it for you? You cannot change your friends, partners, or family. You cannot move forward with toxic energy, it sucks the life out of you.
Detox How You Care for Your Body Temple
A positive mind can’t come from a negative mindset. Eat food that loves you back. Think about the things you are letting in your body. I once heard a Rastafarian say, “People are losing their lives over taste buds!” Treat your body like a temple and life will respond appropriately.
What can we expect next from you?
You can expect more tools for tapping into our feminine energy and feminine power. Stay tuned for a new website, audio book, and meditation CD, to support readers with the book. I am also going to be doing a fun self-love challenge via social media.
In addition, to celebrate the book release of The Sacred Bombshell Handbook of Self-Love, I am Skyping with book clubs and reading groups. If your group has at least 8 members, I will Skype in with the group to answer your self-love questions and be of service.
You can order Abiola’s books from Barnes & Noble and Amazon.com.
Let’s get deep; Let’s get it done!