- Posted August 13, 2014 by
Fair Hill, Maryland
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Carpe Per Diem
Robin and I were two of a kind and connected immediately like soul mates. Robin GOT me and I GOT him...we were both ADHD, Class clowns, lived our lives like open books yet suffer from the devastating illness of depression. We had many fun moments together and a few deep conversations. He complimented me on my new haircut out of the blue and I think I blushed a thousand shades of red. It was such a kind gesture and one that made me feel like I was suddenly reborn into the person maybe I was meant to be. Perhaps that sounds silly and girlish, but I was confused and lost and unsure of my place on this planet.
So, one day, on the set of Dead Poets, we were outside waiting to get lunch from a chow wagon. I turned around to see him in line behind me, and wondering why he was getting food from the wagon with the crew, so I said to him..."man if I could Carpe your Per Diem I would be at the Hotel DuPont having my lunch! He just about died laughing on my impulsive play on words from the movie script and never forgot it! He cajoled and joked with me for the rest of our time together on the set. He continued to use that line in his shows and made variations on it. I ended up having a Tshirt made for him with the Carpe PER Diem on it and gave it to him for Christmas at our cast and crew holiday party. He KISSED me..yes...in front of everyone. I think I may have passed out...I am just heartbroken at the loss of this beautiful soul. I pray for his family, especially his kids. I feel like I lost a big, caring brother who used to look out for me at one time and made me feel like the luckiest girl alive when I was going through such a hard time in my life. I wish I could have talked to him and let him know all these things and how much he meant to me and made me feel special and alive. Such sad irony.
So now I have had a day or two now to cry many many tears and reflect why I am so incredibly sad. Robin seemed so comfortable with me and me with him. It was though we knew...we just knew...both of us were in the same dark place yet both loved nothing more than to bring joy and laughter to people., but it was so difficult to be good to ourselves. Another time we had lunch together on set with Kurtwood Smith and another actor. I was sitting alone and they came over to join me! We talked about families and life in general and how my crazy life would make an Oscar winning film if ever written.
And just today, I was reminded, by another friend who happens to be on the road to fame himself, that our special time together is forever immortalized in cement with my "carpe per diem" quote we shared along side his and his then wife Marsha's and kids Zelda and Zak's handprints.
I am saddened we never got to re-connect. I wish I could have told his kids the story behind the quote with their handprints. Robin literally saved my life when he chose, out of the goodness of his heart, to stop what he was doing and be my friend when I struggled to be a friend to myself.
I am at a loss to understand why he had to leave us, but yet, unfortunately, I totally "get it." Rest in Peace Robin. Carpe Dios:)