About this iReport
  • Not verified by CNN

  • Click to view JoHoVino's profile
    Posted August 15, 2014 by
    Davenport, Iowa
    This iReport is part of an assignment:
    In Memoriam

    Mr. Williams: My Tribute

    My idol is dead. Robin Williams killed himself this week and the nation, and myself, are in shock. “Severe depression” is being credited to his demise. I sit and think about this man – this entity of wit and humor and generosity and kindness – and I cannot fathom what must’ve been haunting him for so, so long. And then I think of myself and the insecurity that has infested itself in me and of how I use my own brand of rapid fire humor to deflect any and all attention from that very haunt. But was this man, Mr. Williams, so inhabited be his own diffidence that he spun such a whirlwind of hilarity to distract us all from what lurked there within? Even those “closest” to him have spoken out since his suicide that they never really knew the man; that he was always kind and benevolent and loving while never unveiling the truer part(s) of himself that he kept caged and alone within the shell. Regardless, Williams was a force of Nature whose cosmic brilliance and world-weary intellect scorched those who stood close enough to experience him. He was a giver of gifts and of Love. He took the time to spend the time with faces and souls he might never see again – though he knew that spreading his light even just as a flicker would ignite happiness in those he graced.

    So often I was likened to Robin Williams by friends, teachers, family, and strangers as I disarmed them all with the same methodology I watched him practice publicly as a talk show guest or stand-up comedian (whose routines and signature moments are all in my head like a playlist of favorite songs). In so many ways, Robin was a friend of mine, though we never shared a table. I turned to him as often as I could, whenever I needed a light, a laugh, an awe-inspiring social commentary, or a reminder that such an entity could even exist here on Earth. My heart is broken for the loss of this incalculable talent, and for the manner in which he chose to dismiss himself. Depression is something I have had to personally deal with only fleetingly and yet I feel it has become binding upon me to connect with so many others who combat this disease each and every day. I am grateful for my time spent in the chambers of melancholia as it gifted me a deeper appreciation for felicity and a greater understanding of the hallowed presence of mirth that coated my youth. I am, however, forever saddened by the loss of my “friend”, whom I will always consult in the cosmic ballroom of hilarity for the perfect response to whatever or whomever is challenging my perspective.

    Robin Williams was a blazing talent and an impetus like we will never see again. His presence in my subconscious, as well as in my readily available stream of YouTube Favorites, is a treasured resource I hold closest to my heart. Knowing that the ride is over only fuels my spirit with the buoyant charge of carrying on Robin’s signature wit and charity. In everything I do, I know that he is there o’er my shoulder, whispering “seize the day!” or insisting that I affect a French accent for whatever it is I am lampooning at the time. That was his spark of brilliance that I vow to keep lit. I am a willing carrier of his message that, through humor and levity, we will transcend the rubble of the inherent sadness that hunts for us all out here… I will miss this man every day.
    Add your Story Add your Story