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    Posted October 5, 2014 by
    Deer Park, Washington
    This iReport is part of an assignment:
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    Brother's Suicide Through Others Eyes (A Real Conversation)

    This is probably 1% of the effect suicide has on your life? Those you love as well. This is a conversation my brothers co-workers had upon learning of his suicide on November 21, 2010.

    The next day his co workers found out...... Here are their messages....... Watch the time and how long the conversation is?

    Tell your friends you love them and what they mean to you, you never know when they won't be around to tell them!! I love you all my wonderful friends, thank you ALL and know that you are ALL loved!!
    November 22, 2010 at 5:58pm

    Jennifer-I still can't believe it. He sits right next to me. We were just joking around on Friday. I had a real uneasy feeling right around the time he comes in. So sad. Your post says it all
    November 22, 2010 at 6:02pm

    Rebecca-I COMPLETELY understand, this is a VERY sad day!!
    November 22, 2010 at 6:25pm

    Cara-exactly....there r no words to say but u did a good job
    November 22, 2010 at 6:27pm

    Jeff-I know I am really sad tonight too, it's really unbelievable and it hasnt set in yet. I was just outside Saturday night after work talking to him and said bye before going home from work :(
    November 22, 2010 at 6:37pm

    Melissa-Thank you! I love you too sister!
    November 22, 2010 at 6:37pm · 1 personLoading...

    Rebecca-I know Jeff, we all are like wtf?? Is this a cruel joke.... If you are working tonight Jeffrey, YOU try and have a good night!!! xoxo
    November 22, 2010 at 6:38pm

    Cara-and drive home safe~
    November 22, 2010 at 6:40pm · 1 personLoading...

    Jeff-Thank you, I'm at home right now just relaxing and having a couple drinks. I hope ur havin a good night! :)
    November 22, 2010 at 6:40pm · 1 personLoading...

    Jennifer-Anyone know what happen. Tom said he hadn't heard yet. I asked Tom if maybe we can get a food chain going for the family. Maybe cook something for them for thanksgiving. Or food they can warm up over the next week or so. Something. Anything to help.
    November 22, 2010 at 6:41pm

    Cara-So sorry Rebecca. I'm not sure exactly what's going on as I didn't hear anything at work today.. but I am sorry for your friend and his family.
    November 22, 2010 at 6:41pm

    Rebecca-Jen, they know, they are just NOT saying. I'm not even sure if it will be in the paper. But bet your sweet ass I will be going to the service if they have one!! I want to just hug and squeeze his dad!! I agree with helping with something.
    November 22, 2010 at 6:42pm

    Rebecca-Cara, we lost a wonderful friend and co worker, he passed last night : ( we all found out through email at 3:30. Which that sucked ASS because i was on a call and lost it!!
    November 22, 2010 at 6:44pm

    Jennifer-We can talk about what we want to do at work. I'll be there too. Wouldn't miss it.
    November 22, 2010 at 6:44pm

    Theresa-It was tough news to hear, Rebecca. I didn't know him other than passing in the halls but still wound up crying over it. Thank you for posting this...you know, one of the many wonderful things about you is that nobody ever wonders if you care about them. Thank you for always being the kind of friend (not just to me, but to all the people you come in contact with) who lets people know they are loved and important.
    November 22, 2010 at 6:46pm

    Jeff-Jolene called me today at 3 to let me know. Ive been working the night shift with him for about 3 years now. He just got his pickup back and I thought things were going good for him, he was a really good friend and I want to help his family out or whatever I can do to make the holidays a little better for them.
    November 22, 2010 at 6:48pm

    Rebecca-I will get with Tom tomorrow and find out how we can reach out to his family! I think we can ALL do a little something that will be HUGE to his family. I will be in touch will all that want to be a part of that! And Theresa, you just made me cry AGAIN!! I love you sister, and glad that you know it!!
    November 22, 2010 at 6:51pm · 1 personLoading...

    Jennifer-Can I go with you tomorrow Rebecca? I did ask Tom, he said he see what we can do. I'm going to tell all my friends that I love them, love you all, life is so short.
    November 22, 2010 at 6:54pm

    Melissa-It is really so sad. He was amazing and so sweet. I think they want to keep things under wraps for a while. But yes they know. It's really awful. I think alot of us will be interested in helping his family.
    November 22, 2010 at 7:06pm · 1 personLoading...

    Rob-We Love you too♥
    November 22, 2010 at 7:13pm · 1 personLoading...

    Jeff-Im going to miss Jeff sneaking up and scaring the crap out of me while I'm reading bulletins late at night... He did that to me on Saturday night and a couple times last week
    November 22, 2010 at 7:16pm

    Rebecca Ivie I think we should post our favorite thing, NO better yet, lets put together a REALLY BIG CARD and put our fondest memories of him!!! That will be a great start!!! Who's in? I will get the construction paper and we can make it!!
    November 22, 2010 at 7:18pm

    Rebecca-ON a personal note, When I received cards for my mom, from co workers that's what they did, and you know what, it made me smile to know that she touched so many lives!!
    November 22, 2010 at 7:19pm

    Jennifer-That's so funny jeff! I can see him doing that. I guess at night, he'd look at my pictures in my desk area, then the next day he'd mention something, like about me on the Harley, and is look at him and think, how the heck did you know that? Then he'd, I saw your picture. He always made me laugh! Tell me the crazy calls he got. He's s good guy! Will be greatly missed
    November 22, 2010 at 7:20pm

    Jennifer-That's a good idea. I already filled out a card with a funny story, so that's funny that you mentioned that. I'll draw a picture next to my memory. I have some craft pens and pencils I can bring in.
    November 22, 2010 at 7:27pm

    Les-He was so kind too, always asking how my songwriting was going. Can't believe he's gone...but not forgotten
    November 23, 2010 at 12:35am

    My brother was 35 years old and a father of 4 and happily married. He took a chain and padlock and ensured he was successful. What diseases did he have? To be honest? I don't know for sure? What medicines was he taking? None He worked everyday out of high school up until his death.

    Were there signs? One..... He tried to commit suicide when he was about 18. I stopped him.

    Why didnt I stop him this time? My anger and pride got in the way.

    He messaged me October 10, 2010 saying he wanted to be with me on my birthday. I ignored it. His birthday was the 25th and he was dead a month later.

    Could I have stopped it? Absolutely I took for granted he looked up to me.

    My only brother is dead.
    I live with the death of my brother on my hands.
    I live everyday of my life with PTSD, Major Depressive Disorder, Anxiety and ADD
    I live with a higher risk of suicide than I did before his death.
    I havent worked since.
    I live with knowing that had I acted? These co-workers would have their friend. My nephews and neice would have their father. My sister in law would have her husband. My parents would have their son.
    Every Fall is just another reminder of my brothers death.
    He added to the toll my family has taken with suicides and overdose deaths. Yes there are multiples of each.
    America lost a citizen.
    The world lost a human.
    I may sleep 5 nights out of 7.
    I go to counseling on a weekly basis.
    My daughter Skye was born 9 months later.
    My daughter lost her only Uncle
    I live everyday wondering how I will tell my daughter I contributed to her uncles death?
    Denial of any God ever

    This is for those Suicide Survivors who are to be in the future? Don't ignore the signs. Learn them and understand them and ACT. If you care for your family? You will not ignore this warning.

    Contemplating Suicide? This is all you get? Look how long the conversation you ,may get? You set off a grenade that will forever destroy or maim. If you love your children? You WILL get help. Suicide is not love or selfish.

    It is only the end.

    Love you Jeff

    Dont make my mistake!
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