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    Posted March 17, 2015 by
    Brentwood, Tennessee

    Chuck Sugar on Couples Communication

    Most marriage counselors agree that poor communication can make or break a marriage, says Chuck Sugar. If you and your spouse don’t communicate effectively, you are both likely to experience continued anger, frustration and resentment.

    According to Chuck Sugar, lack of communication between partners is one of the main areas for which couples seek counseling. Usually early in the relationship, communication was natural and easy. After a period of time communication has become more difficult or non-existent. This is a dynamic that can often be remedied. When the romance “sizzle” stops carrying the marriage, the relationship relies on a couple’s ability to communicate and resolve conflicts, says Chuck Sugar.

    Since most couples don’t usually learn how to do this very well simply by watching their parents, new connection and communication techniques have to be learned. One of the most rewarding areas of counseling, according to Chuck Sugar, is helping couples reconnect.

    “Although communication won’t solve every problem that a couple has”, acknowledges Chuck Sugar, ”it will help them steer clear of many.” Sometimes married people expect their spouses to become mind readers as a way to prove their true love. According to Chuck Sugar, not only is this an unreasonable request, it’s one that will certainly lead to larger problems. “If you’re expecting your spouse to read your mind,” says Sugar, “you are setting him or her up for failure and yourself up for disappointment.”

    Here is an example. You want your spouse to help out with more chores. To make these wishes known, you begin to make vague comments about the state of the house. Instead of just hinting about the messy house, sit down with your spouse and clearly explain what you expect and discuss a practical solution that is acceptable to both of you, says Chuck Sugar. State your needs directly without accusations. Practice kindness as if your marriage depended on it. Truth is, your marriage does depend on kindness, notes Chuck Sugar. Often, we find ourselves lashing out at the people we love the most. Couples who spend everyday together grow very comfortable with each other, sometimes to the point where they lose common courtesy, adds Chuck Sugar. How strange is it for us to be polite to perfect strangers and rude to the people we love the most? When we are rude to our spouses, our messages become unclear and communication becomes derailed, says Chuck Sugar.

    Marriage is not a competition. According to Chuck Sugar, couples who compete for superiority end up in a complete communication breakdown. The goal of communication shouldn’t be winning. When someone wins, someone else loses and the marriage takes a hit everytime! Winning or needing to be right isn’t what it’s all cracked up to be.

    All marriages have conflicts, says Chuck Sugar. It’s those who learn to fight fair and make it through the rough times that keep the relationship intact. According to Chuck Sugar, effective communication in marriage is perhaps the single most important aspect of a successful relationship.

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