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    Posted August 19, 2015 by
    dpkronmiller
    Location
    Burbank, California
    Assignment
    Assignment
    This iReport is part of an assignment:
    2016 Election: Spot the presidential hopefuls

    More from dpkronmiller

    OH SH*T, IT‘S ELECTION 2016! or how I learned to stop caring and love Hillary Clinton

     
    Choose your corners!

    Sharpen your rhetorical knives!

    Dig in your heels!

    Hide your children!

    For the next 14 months the country will see friendships and families ripped apart on Facebook as Election 2016 sputters off the ground like a wounded plane at Kitty Hawk.

    It’s a sad election folks. Very sad.

    I say sad not out of any partisan belief but out of the sheer floppiness of the field being offered. In the Right Corner you have 15+ candidates who all are wishing they had Donald Trump’s hair. In the Left Corner you have 1 anointed winner nobody seems to trust and a guy 25% of Registered Voters have never even heard of.

    With no major wedge issues to excite voters why is anyone going to even show up on election day? And if turnout is low - who the hell is going to be our President? Donald Trump? Really? It’s that or Bill Clinton in a robe following Hillary around while he mutters about what the definition of “high cholesterol” is.

    All the candidates so far have failed to connect with the Black Lives Matter movement - which you would think would be a no-brainer for Democrats considering, you know, who’s in the White House. (can we just call it House now or would that offend Hugh Laurie?)

    And Republicans, despite having not one, not two, but three candidates with close ties to Latin America, have pretty much blown so much crazy smoke that Cheech Marin is even self-deporting at the thought of a GOP winner - and he was born here! I mean some of these guys not only have Great-Wall-of-China-Envy but also want Mexico to pay for it! And immigrants to build it! As if the Chinese haven’t done enough for us! Wait…

    And what I’m thinking is - what the heck about Canada?! How many more Canadian comics do we really need sneaking into this country through the porous, if humorous, Canadian border?

    I mean Mike Myers and William Shatner? What’s next - are we gong to let Superman be played by a Brit? Wait…

    There are no transformational candidates. The economy is on the rebound. We’re sorta still in a war but f*ck it - we’ve always been sorta in a war so we’ve gotten a bit use to that. We have plenty of superhero and Star Wars movies to make us happy and not care about politics or Black Lives or Immigration or Student Debt. And Disney is even creating a Star Wars theme park - so really there’s nothing to be worked up about. Unless they f*$K up the new Star Wars movie - then I could see a rebellion brewing.

    Maybe that’s what Bernie Sanders needs to do to get noticed - pick up a Lightsaber and put on a brown robe.
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