Without so much as an "excuse me," a Long Island man was trampled to death yesterday by members of his own community. The 34 year-old Wal-Mart employee was unlocking the store for Black Friday when he was suddenly stampeded by a massive herd of ravenous bargain hunters. A relentless wall of combative rubber souls and spiked heels pounded the life from the man with rabid impatience. His "Welcome to Wal-Mart" smile was stomped into a grotesque collage of mud, gravel, dog crap, and dried up globs of chewed neon bubble gum. With the taste of blood in their mouths, the savage mob continued the assault, decimating the store in an onslaught of insatiable gluttony while barely noticing the casualties left in their wake. All to save a few coins.

This situation is typical of the annual post turkey day marketing marvel. Deal seekers sick with material lust scavenge for scraps and prey on the weak like a pack of feeding hyenas. Needless to say, Black Friday is not for the timid. With the turning of a single key, the spirit of the holiday season is trampled, gang raped, and left to rot. The stench is enough to make any self-respecting citizen vomit on their sweater. Here is the glory of American consumerism. Humanity stripped bare to its most primitive level. "The horror, the horror..."