- Posted December 9, 2008 by
This iReport is part of an assignment:
Your thoughts on 'Nevermind'
Careful What You Wish For
"Be careful what you wish for"
Before Kurt died I remember him pleading with anyone who would listen to heed those words. He was describing how his life turned into a life that was no longer his own. Of all the things I keep at the front of my mind when I think of Kurt it is those words. I made a promise to myself that I would not forget how sincere he was. I hoped that I would not become tangled in the same traps he claimed had snared him.
I don't think there was a band alive that listened to Nirvana at that time that did not think that Kurt made it possible for their crappy garage bands to actually aspire to Beatles Renown,.. except for me. Of course with hindsight, I see how I was lured by the same essence that graced the senses of any mediocre musician into the desire to smash, scream, kick and distort their pawn shop Fenders and Univox guitars.
There was one taste that to this day the album Nevermind left swirling in my senses, and that was wanting to have an album produced by David Geffen.
Kurt was and is and always will be an icon for indy musicians playing dive clubs and bars. I don't think there was a bar show I did not play throughout the 18 years I performed live in various bands that I did not think about Kurt and the sacred lesson he taught me. "Be careful what you wish for" - These words were the fuel for the angst I needed to "Kill It" on stage and give everything I had to just flat out rocking. That meant, no record deals, no big crowds, no bitching at the soundman because I couldn't hear the vocals in the monitor, no perfect intonation, no perfect pitch, and if I blew out my voice,.. Bonus! These words left me not wanting, but left me satisfied that I played that bar gig to 10 - 20 people like it was my last. In a way I felt like I did it for Kurt. I did it because I knew how badly he wanted to go back to those days of being a nobody and geting booed off the stage. Or duct taping gear together and saying F$%@ It! we can just make noise, vent our angst and throw all regard for approval out the window.
Nevermind was the beginning of the end of those days for Kurt, I believe. But it doesn't change the fact that through those channels of disregard for being accepted he ultimately won a Beatles level of legend.
There will never be another Kurt Cobain.
Whether you liked him or not, he did what he did, and the tragedy of his early departure changed my life and kept my spirit young, like Kurt will forever be.