Share this on:
About this iReport
  • Not verified by CNN

  • Click to view sultana3's profile
    Posted January 11, 2009 by
    This iReport is part of an assignment:
    Tobacco tax increase

    Why I smoke


    I first lit up when I was 14. My cousin told me it would be fun and I was curious. I loved it. I was expecting myself to feel sick and turn green like in the cartoons, but it was great. I felt so 'grown up'. I always looked young for my age and this bothered me, so anything that made me feel older was a plus.  I continued smoking about one cigarette a week for the next four years. I didn't smoke socially because my friends were not the kind that would aprove of it. I was my little secret. When I got married at 20, my husband was a smoker. I came out of the closet and started full-time smoking. I quit the first time when I got pregnant the first time, but only for the duration of the pregnancy. What did change was that I now only smoked outdoors and much less. Never near the baby. After four kids I now smoke only on weekends away from home or when I drink. My husband quit all together 11 years ago, but I have not been able to yet. I can completely forget cigarettes during the week, but as soon as I'm out on the weekend or have my first drink, I crave a cigarette horribly. I don't like that I smoke. I makes me feel dirty and weak. But the way I feel when I don't give in to the urge is worse. I am petrified of getting sick, especially with 4 little ones, but I forget all about that when I crave a cigarette. It's only when I wake up the next day that the regrets settle in, by then it's too late. I want to quit, but I don't want to feel deprived...if that even makes sense. I do hope one day to be free of this. I know I am the only one that can decide when that will be and that makes it even more humiliating. I do wish there was a way to make kids understand the pain that will come if they  give in to the curiosity of lighting up. To make them see the permanence of such a choice. But, I know kids will continue to be kids. The best we can do is educate them. I know I'm not a good example, but at this moment I can't help it.

    What do you think of this story?

    Select one of the options below. Your feedback will help tell CNN producers what to do with this iReport. If you'd like, you can explain your choice in the comments below.
    Be and editor! Choose an option below:
      Awesome! Put this on TV! Almost! Needs work. This submission violates iReport's community guidelines.


    Log in to comment

    iReport welcomes a lively discussion, so comments on iReports are not pre-screened before they post. See the iReport community guidelines for details about content that is not welcome on iReport.

    Add your Story Add your Story