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  • Not vetted for CNN

  • Posted March 9, 2009 by
    iDistort
    Assignment
    Assignment
    This iReport is part of an assignment:
    Pawning off your prized possessions

    More from iDistort

    Top 10 things i cant auction, including my home & virginity

     

     

    Some girl in california is autioning her viginity - she got $3.6 million for it, and will "complete the sale" in a nevada brothel.  I can't do that, nor do i have have a home to auction.   here are some of the other "prized possessions" which don't apply to me.

     

     

    10 - some guy had a "$200,000 tiffany lamp" he was selling.   It was mysteriously stolen after being auctioned, but before shipping.   Uh-huh

     

     

    9 - Fully restored World War 2 sherman tank, but cannon disabled.   I'm sorry - no sympathy for this one.  If you had money to blow on collecting and restoring battle tanks, then thats just the tip of the iceberg for your bad investment decisions

     

     

    8 - Shed burns down, destroying 6 custom built choppers.  This sounds like another insurance scam.   Even if its not, why are you trying to be the Jay Leno of motorcycles?

     

     

    7 - Lord of the rings "Ring Wraith" movie costumes.  This sounds like a fake, since the ring wraiths were computer generated, no costumes required.  Any way - even if these WERE real (and they couldn't be) how'd this guy get them?  Steal them from inventory?  Wouldn't they keep them for other films?

     

     

    6 - Saguaro cactuses.  Beware - these things take like 100 years to get of any size, and they're native to the sonora desert.  So if someone is selling one, he dug it up in a national park. 

     

     

    5 - Piece of the true cross.  Religious relics are the lowest form of scam.  Unless its a taco with Jesus's image.  Those are pretty cool.  But do you go to hell if you eat it?  Or is it like the wafer, and it makes you holier than thou if you eat one?

     

     

    4 - Used panties.  Ebay has a policy against this.  But if you want mine, contact me directly.  Fix price, depending on how long its been since I had a bath. 

     

     

    3 - The San Francisco Chronicle, Denver's newspaper, etc.   Both these papers have announced they will close unless a buyer steps forward immediately - no reasonable offer refused.  Doesn't this ensure no offer will be made at all?  Anyway, reading CNN and Drudge Report is what made these papers go bankrupt.  I hope you're happy, internet addicts.

     

     

    2 - LPs, 8 tracks, audio casettes . . . and soon to be obsolete: music CDs.   These have some value as movie props, i suppose (see #7 above).  But does anyone actually own a turntable anymore?  Are you laughing when I say music CDs will shortly be obsolete?  Don't you know that DVDs practically are - most new releases are on Blue Ray.  I give that format maybe 36 months before ITS obsolete too.

     

     

    1 - my good name. but then again,  I never had a good name to sell off in the first place.   But I don't begrudge others for doing this.  Obama is selling off his good name, and good will, by breaking most of his campaign promises.   Hard times being what they are, I forgive you Obama. 

     

     

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