The article written in "The Frisky" by Jessica Wakeman was well done. I agree with many points in it, and have a few points to add of my own.

At 45 I am glad that I never had children. Coming from a childhood loaded full of pain and abuse at the hands of a career woman who didn't want kids, I paid for her decision to keep me. She told me that that when she found out that she was pregnant with me that it was unwelcome news. It was "inconvenient" as she was finishing training to become a teacher and it wasn't nice to go through morning sickness. She was a successful professional to the bone until her retirement. To her, being maternal was a chore, not a pleasure, 99% of the time.

To the outside world, we looked like the perfect family. I had a horse, and had many nice things..but a happy family life. Behind closed doors, I was ignored, criticized and ridiculed constantly. I kept my head down and stayed out of the way and got punished whenever I chose to stand up for myself, it was all about control and perfectionism.

For those who say not having children is selfish, this is the other side of the coin. There are women who have children who are horribly selfish, and are nightmare mothers. What about them? I would have been better off to have been put up for adoption. The rest of my life has been working to repair the damaged self esteem, depression and anxiety that was the result of years of living with someone who didn't want me but had me anyways. She was good at the superficial things (baking cookies and throwing a birthday party now and then) but not at the things that mattered such as emotional support, compassion or kindness. All she wanted was total control.

I was taken from the home in my senior year of high school by my teachers, who were horrified at the abuse I had suffered and wanted it to stop. It was a gift to know that people cared, they were wonderful people who saved me from it all. My mother was reprimanded by authorities but never did anything but try to manipulate everyone into thinking it was everyones' fault but hers. They saw beyond it. She never "forgave" me for it, even if it wasn't my fault she got caught.

As an adult, I do not want children due to the fact that my upbringing was no role model for being a healthy family. Blame and shame on an everyday basis is no way to learn healthy parenting. Having been on my own from the age of 17, my life is blissfully peaceful as I worked very hard to make it that way. It is not being selfish for me to not have children, and I have no regrets.

People who should have children are those who are emotionally capable of raising them in a healthy environment. When you become a parent, leave your high-strung angry moods at the door and learn patience. If you aren't capable of caring and compassion, don't have children at all. In my family, high drama was a constant experience. Living in such an atmosphere causes serious problems such as hypervigilance, insomnia, depression and anxiety.

Sure, it's hard being a parent, but there are people who just don't have the temperment for it. I'm not like my mother, and may have been a better mother for it but didn't want to take that chance. I couldn't live with myself if I'd become an angry, self-absorbed, aggressive and  high-strung mother who damaged her children just to be a parent. Sometimes it is selfless to be child free.

My life is just fine without children. I wake up every day and am so thankful to have a happy and safe place to live, free of drama, anger and control. The artwork in the photo is mine, I spend my days working on my art and taking college courses and have a quality, sane life now thanks to many years of very hard work.  Don't judge people by your standards, look at the bigger picture. There is more than one way to live a life. We all have our individual experiences and not everyone is destined to have children.