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    Posted August 28, 2009 by
    Houston, Texas
    This iReport is part of an assignment:
    iReport at the movies

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    The Final Destination


    The fourth (and presumably final) movie in the Final Destination series exists under the banner of ‘The Final Destination.’ As though all other Final Destinations were merely penultimate stepping stones on the road to a long overdue death. Attaching the ‘The’ prefix gives the movie the same excitement I feel when I hear the advertisements for monster truck rallies. The promise of ultimate excitement is really just code for an over commercialized hollow disappointment. Although I don’t think you can call it disappointment if you saw it coming. Though it is funny to me that this movies disaster sequence is at a NASCAR race.


    The formula of this, and all Final Destination movies remains the same. A lucky kid witnesses a grisly mass death, sees all of their cliche hipster friends die around him/her (In this movie ‘him’) only to be the last to die. This happens in the first few minutes of the movie, and you could just easily roll the credits after this, as all the unlikeable characters are dead, and by unlikeable I mean all of the characters.


    I imagine it would be a hard sell trying to get audiences to pack the theaters for a ten minute movie about annoying twenty-something year-old kids dying horrific deaths. So they get a mulligan when it’s revealed that the lucky kid actually just suffered some type of premonition about events that are about to transpire, and is able to warn his friends in time to get out of harms way. Which is not impressive considering things like that piss off the malevolent unseen force called Death.


    Death will stop at nothing to accomplish what it started, by killing off everyone who escaped the accident, and in the precise order they were supposed to die. They also have to die grisly, elaborate, and intricate deaths as well. Maybe it’s because Death is pissed, maybe it’s because all other types of deaths are just kind of lame. In the world of Final Destination, you can just drown, that would be easy. No, you have to have your internal organs sucked out through your rectum.


    The Final Destination does have a few things going for it. The film isn’t very dialog heavy, it doesn't ask you to think, you don’t have to worry about remembering characters names, or anything about them for that matter. Oh, and it’s in 3D. That’s right, you get to see gratuitous violence in  the ‘third dimension’. This is where the movie is going to make it’s money, it really isn’t enough to see someone get hit by a bus till you see it in 3D. It does make the movie much more impressive than it would be without this technology, but not by much.


    One thing I did like about the movie was actually the opening credit sequence, which showcased the deaths of previous movies victims, but done in a way that you would call to mind an episode of CSI that used renderings of a skeleton to show just how the corpse of the day died.


    The Final Destination is 82 minutes long and is Rated R for strong violent/gruesome accidents, language and a scene of sexuality.


    Please feel free to use the comment space below to post your own micro review, gripes about how you felt you should have waited for the DVD, etc.


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