- Posted June 11, 2008 by
This iReport is part of an assignment:
Slice of your life
Old Guys and Harleys.
Old Guys and Harleys... OR The Other Woman Wears Chrome.
As I get older the men in my peer group (50-60) - the dating pool - get older too. If you have driven to any destination on a nice sunny day in the past 5 years you have witnessed the "Wild Hogs" phenomenon. Men from 45 to 80 who wear "comfort cut" jeans riding on Harley Davidson Motorcycles wrapped in leather wearing "dew rags" and black t-shirts with biker saying on the back such as, "If you can read this the bitch fell off" and risqué pictures that include but are not limited to cartoon women with curvaceous butts wearing thongs and leather vests. These men, from Monday through Friday, go to a normal job working on the line or in an office in a high rise, in a hospital, at the EPA in Dallas (my ex-old guy), attorneys, electricians, salesmen, programmers, grocery store managers, physicians, teachers...as long as he's got the gray starting at the temples and a little bit of soft belly above the belt - he's thinking about buying a Harley. During the week they dress in khaki's, dress pants, golf shirt, dress shirts, maybe a tie and loafers or oxford shoes. The weekend arrives and no shaving on Saturday and Sunday morning to give the dark shadow look. The outfit includes jeans, belt with gratuitous biker buckle, black t-shirt, cowboy boots or black army style boots, leather vest, black leather gloves, leather jacket and on some days (depending on the heat) - black leather chaps. They also have a bandana that they can either wear on their head tied in back as a dew rag, across the front of their face Jesse James style or around their neck portraying the more casual look. Bandanas must have either a patriotic theme, biker Harley Davidson logo theme or skeleton face theme. Now these are the same men who have a hard time standing up from a low couch or getting up from bed in the morning without creaking and groaning. This 50 plus year old "Easy Rider" wannabe is now going to park his tender behind on a slim leather motorcycle seat, take off on the open bumpy road for hours of riding and expressing his manly freedom, youth and vitality. He will then stop at the local motorcycle shop which now includes an old biker guy "bar" where he can have a turkey burger, fries and a lite beer while watching 12 different sports channels at one time on TV's strategically placed through out the bar while the juke box is belting out Bob Seger and Stevie Ray Vaughn songs. It's a safe place to play for the old biker guy. He would probably be killed in a real biker bar and that would be no fun at all! The walls have posters of scantily clad 19 yr old women sunning themselves stretched across old guy motorcycles. These motorcycle shop / motorcycle bars are the Chuckie Cheese of the old biker guy generation. These aren't "real" biker bars - this place is the creation of a really smart business owner who saw that these old biker guys needed a safe place to play and feel like they were in an old Peter Fonda movie and that old biker guys had a lot of cash they were willing to part with during male menopause. I only wish I had thought of it. If you watch the old biker guy sitting there at the old biker bar picnic table you can see them popping a couple of Arthritis Strength Tylenols along with their beer. It's going to be a long ride home. If you have been in a relationship or married to a 50 plus year old guy who suddenly buys himself a Harley Davidson motorcycle... I'm sorry. Your life as you know it is about to change. This is the payback for all those years of the once of month craziness that came with having your period. You are now being paid back -- your man is now going through mid-life crisis - male menopause. He's moody, pissed because he's getting older. He's pissed because he has to piss all the time. Since he can't wear a GI Joe outfit around in public or put on a cape and play Superman without people gaping at him - he can dress up like he is a bad ass motorcycle dude. The only cure in your old guys mind is a Harley Davidson motorcycle. Be prepared - these guys often find a 19 year old motorcycle sweetie to sun herself on his Harley. How young the ornament riding on the back of the Harley is directly related to the type of health insurance old biker guy has and what his co-pay is for Viagra. You may have to squeeze yourself into some comfort jeans and a leather jacket and go along for the ride. But then again... you have a hard time getting up off that low couch too.