A Pharmacist’s Story of Incomprehensible Demoralization

My battle with addiction arose as I began my practice as a pharmacist in Kentucky.

Despite a virtuous upbringing, I became fond of alcohol early in my high school years.Once I discovered the ease, comfort, and fun-loving self-awareness to be enjoyed by the consumption of beer, drinking became a regular affair. It wasn't that I didn't fit in or had reason to desire escape from reality. I tried it and I liked the way it made me feel. Life was good- I just liked it even better with a buzz. Throughout high school and college, I drank and partied at every opportunity. Once I graduated pharmacy school, though, I was handed the keys to the proverbial candy store.

I remember the day well that I decided to take a Lortab at work during my first few weeks as a pharmacist. It was a typically hectic and busy day of filling prescriptions while bickering with insurance companies. To offset the perceived stress, I pilfered a tablet and swallowed it when no one was looking. Within a half hour, I was supremely happy. I was instantly patient, empathetic, and caring. Gravity could barely hold me. I floated around spreading opiate-induced agape love throughout the pharmacy. I had found the answer. It wasn’t long before taking Lortab became a daily necessity rather than a pick-me-up. In a matter of months, I was addicted.

As months passed, my dependence upon the drugs began to affect my ability to perform my duties as pharmacist, and soon I was observed on camera using narcotics. I came in to work one Friday in 1997 only to be met by FBI agents anxious to cuff me and read me my rights.

Upon my release, I began to drink copious amounts of vodka to allay the fears of court, prosecutors, and prison. I drank everyday, as much as I could get my unemployed hands on. On day two of the trial, a miracle in my favor happened. The prosecutor approached my attorney and me and said these words, "Jared, I have serious doubts about your guilt and I can no longer ethically pursue this." I was sentenced to probation and 4 weekends in jail.

I started a new job in a new town and quickly fell into using again. One morning, I awoke to familiar concrete block walls and a stainless steel commode. I was in jail again, with absolutely no idea how I had gotten there.

In the jail cell is where everything changed.God instilled in me the gift of hope. I said aloud, "I'm an alcoholic and a drug addict and I don't have to keep living this way". This was God's answer to my prayer. He knew exactly what He was doing. In just a few days, I went off to a treatment facility in Nashville to learn about my new sober life; a new life that began for me on October 7th of 2000.

Today I live my life instead of simply surviving it day to day. I have 3 beautiful, smart, and healthy children that I love more than my next breath. My wife is my best friend, and our marriage of 13 years is a stalwart one. I ask for God's help staying clean and sober each morning, and I thank Him for His grace each night.I still attend meetings regularly, and my home group is a group of guys that I can, and do, depend on for support. Prayer and maintaining a conscious contact with God is a key ingredient in my sobriety.

I don’t know much, but I know my sober life is a better one.

Jared Combs is a clinical staff pharmacist at the University of KentuckyChandler Medical Center in Lexington, Kentucky. He is also author of the self-published memoir Incomprehensible Demoralization- An Addict Pharmacist’s Journey to Recovery.