What it's like to raise an autistic child

My son, Cameron, is Autistic. He is an 11 yr old boy with personality, character, an infectious laugh, and a smile that are unmatched by none.  When Cameron is present in a room with others, people notice. He brings smiles to virtually everyone that see's him as he will smile and say "hi" to almost everyone who is near, and he won't stop until the person responds. He seems to know who the good natured people are versus those who are unkind and those who are not understanding in nature. Cameron's appearance is completely "normal". People typically look perplexed when he tries to talk to them as he only has a few complete words, the rest of his vocabulary is made up of word approximations and car sounds. People often realize that he is Autistic fairly quickly but with some others I have to tell them that he is Autistic. Usually the person tells me that they are sorry, or "that's okay". 

Cameron's moods also fluctuate to the other extreme and he becomes very upset, angry, and borderline manic. Sometimes he will spat at his family, or complete strangers who may be walking past us while we are at the store. I have been involved in near altercations due to that behavior with those whom just didn't seem to understand his disability and didn't seem to want to. Caring for Cameron is like having a three year old boy in an 11 yr old boy's body. Cameron is immensely strong and very in control of his body. He is not fully potty trained and helping him meet his toileting and grooming needs is very challenging.  Multiple medications are also administered to Cameron on a daily basis to help reduce seizures, help control and stabilize moods, and help treat acid reflux that he suffers from due to the diet that he will eat.

Cameron also has a teenaged sibling - a 15 year old brother. What it must be like growing up with a brother with Autism. It isn't the same having a brother with a disability as it would be having an able bodied brother. The opportunities for great childhood memories have been greatly reduced for his brother Devan in relation to his bond with Cameron. The brotherly bond that leads to future brotherly friendship and activities such as camping trips, road trips, travel, and participating in each other's weddings has essentially vanished. What about the unfairness of having a brother that does things like spitting on you, yelling, throwing things, etc which goes essentially unpunished as it is part of his disability.  Yet the behavioral standards for Devan are held at a much higher level equivalent to those of "normal" peers.  The unfairness.

The love I have for Cameron is unmatched by anything else in my life. I love both of my children; however the love I feel towards Cameron is different than that of Devan. Children with special needs elicit much greater feelings based on my experience with other families who have special needs children. I worry about him every day. I worry about things that would likely never even cross the minds of other parents. I worry that he will choke on his lunch at school, or that someone will lose track of him at school and he will be lost, that he will get up in the middle of the night and leave the house, etc.  When I am driving home from work and get to the last stop sign in sight of my house, I peer around to the corner to see if there is an ambulance in our driveway - it has happened at least a few times. When my phone rings at work, or my cell phone says "home" on the caller-id, the first thing I think is that something is wrong with Cam.

What does the future hold? What happens when I am gone? What happens when my wife is gone? Who will care for him? Will I get to the point where I am unable to care for him anymore? If that happens then what kind of care will others provide for him - those that are only caring for him for a nominal hourly wage - those who don't "know" him and likely won't be understanding of his uniqueness. This doesn't include the financial questions that are yet to come. The financial burden of raising a child with special needs is immense and it will likely only get worse.

Even will all of the stress factors associated with raising a child with special needs, I would never want Cameron to be anything than what he is.  He has shown me what unconditional love means, what true happiness is, and he has taught me more about life than life itself.