am a single mom of 3 girls. My ex-husband has supervised visitation. My parents found out that I am gay and are taking me to court to remove my children from me. I am scared. These girls are all I have. I do have an attorney but I am looking for advice, resources, even a way for my case to get some sort of attention (but being able to leave identities out of this somehow). I live in Central Texas.
Let me give you a little background. I have been with my partner for 8 years. The bad part is 6 of those years neither my daughters or my parents knew she was living here at the house with us. I did this because I knew if they found out they would try to take my kids and I felt that the girls were too young to understand, I also had to deal with my ex-husband who was abusive to my middle daughter. My oldest two daughters have PTSD and I do my best to provide a stable environment for them. During the past 6 years my parents have helped me take care of them, but over time they started taking more responsibilities from me. They are over at their house from 6 in the morning to approximately 7:30 at night.
This didn’t happen overnight. My mother didn’t like the fact that the girls were tardy to school so she insisted that she was taking them. Then my youngest didn’t like getting up in the morning and getting dressed for me, but she listened to my dad. So because there are three girls I would dress two and one would leave in the morning to get dressed at her house. Before, I knew it all of them were getting dressed over there. At first, I was dressing them and then she would pick them up. Then she decided that she would just get them at the same time. She also said that she didn’t like the way I ironed clothes, washed clothes etc. so she would do their laundry. In fact, when I did their laundry she would yell at me. She would make excuses that her way is better and I should do it that way because it is best for the girls. I made a mistake and didn’t remove the seeds from a green pepper and the girls didn’t eat their lunch, I asked her to show me how to fix it but she refused and said she would just do it. I used to get off work at 7:00 pm and my parents said that it would be to hard on them to do homework this late and it would be to late for them to eat. This past February I switched jobs and I get off work by 4:00. They asked that I keep the routine the same because it again is beneficial for the girls. I offered to come over to their house and help with homework and my mother said that I would just be in the way. This summer I worked at a Youth Center and offered to take the kids with me to work, and they said that it would hurt them to be around “those type of kids.” At the time they were at a Christian School and they didn’t want them to be around public school kids. Also during a family trip to Disney World I caught my daughter biting herself and she said it was because she liked the pain, I told my parents my concerns and that I felt she should have an appointment made with her therapist but, they were too worried about them going to counseling and didn’t want me taking them to the doctor. During this time, they would put the fact that I live in the house they own, drive the van they own (I do make payments on both) and that they pay my attorney fees so to protect my children I have to do it their way. Unfortunately, I did. Now it looks like I can’t take care of my children.
I also want to say it is not because I didn’t try. I begged them to allow the girls to get dressed here. I told them that they can get their baths at home. My daughters told me that they were hungry and weren’t getting enough food because their grandmother rushes them in the morning, I got up and made them muffins the next morning and my mother called and yelled at me this went on for 2 days over some muffins. This past weekend, my daughters were yelling and crying saying that I don’t love them because I don’t let them do their homework here. My parents gave in and let them bring it home for me to do. Shortly after my dad called me and said that it was in their best interest to have them continue doing it at their house because I go to night classes two nights out of the week. I would try to buy their school clothes but she wouldn’t take my money. When I bought their clothes she criticized it and said that it wasn’t good enough. They punish my girls by not allowing them to come home, when I questioned this I was told that I need to support them because they have to have a punishment that they will listen to them. I do not go to clubs or anywhere other than work and school without at least one of my girls. As soon as I get off of work I go home and wait until they will be allowed to come home. I am a full time student and have a job as well. I am trying to make changes in my life that will allow me to provide for my children.
I am not saying I am perfect, I have my faults. There was an instance where the cat didn’t use the litter box and urinated on my daughters jeans, instead of my daughter grabbing clean jeans for some reason she got the ones from the bathroom. That same cat will use the bathtub if I don’t get to the litter box everyday or if it is outside drying. When this happens (and it is not often, I have learned to clean it twice a day). I also do not have a immaculate house like my mother, so she views it as filthy. There were times when my girls were telling me that they brushed their teeth and they were lying. They would also tell me that they got their baths at my moms and they didn’t. I also didn’t let them in my bedroom because I had someone livng in there that they didn’t know about. When they thought they saw my partner my partner would hide really quick and I would let them in. I told my daughters that I wouldn’t let them in my room because it was my space. This is also where I keep medicines and cleaners in there. I actually stopped allowing them in here when my middle daughter was two (before my partner lived here), she got a hold of Ben-Gay thinking it was lotion. She applied it all over her legs. Since then, I have not allowed them in my room.
Five weeks ago my neighbor who new that my partner was living here got drunk and told my dad. I said I was gay and I decided to tell my eleven year old daughter. She is not taking it to well, it is a shock to her, but the fact that my parents are trying to take her away from me is bothering her more.
I have received papers that they are taking me to court for custody. I do not want to lose my girls. I understand that in Texas they can not use the fact that I am gay against me, but they can claim emotional well being and that is what their doing. I do not know what their standing is.
I need to be able to prove that my children are better with me and disrupting that would hurt them. My oldest two children go to their house for overnight visits approximately twice a week (their choosing) although this hasn’t happened in about 7 weeks. My youngest daughter wants to come home as soon as possible and never wants to stay the night there.
I do not feel my parents are emotionally stable to raise my girls. For instance, when my mother found out I smoked she drove to the bad side of town with the windows rolled down hoping to be shot. I allowed my daughter to wear black nail polish over the summer. She accused her of not being a Christian and disappointing God. She also said that she wasn’t welcome at her house until she took it off, then it escalated to taking her allowance and her friends. She broke her down until my daughter gave in to what she wanted. There are instances that my mom will yell for no reason, or break down in tears. What is going to happen if one of my daughters turn out gay or is a teen pregnancy? My parents say horrible things about myself and my ex-husband to the children even going so far as to "joke" with my daughters about killing my ex-husband. There was a poisonous fish and she told my daughters that she would get my ex to touch it. I told her that this wasn’t right and that she can’t do it. When my daughter said something to my ex husband about it my mother wanted to punish her, she admitted to him that she said these things to my daughters. Granted he and I do not have the best of relationships but I do not talk about him to them. He also has a MySpace page and I will say that it was interesting (he was cheating on his wife) I didn’t check it every minute like she did. She is obsessed with finding out what he is doing and where he is doing it. She has also called his job and reported his behaviors to his supervisors. She did all of this knowing that if he was fired I would lose his child support.This is not a stable environment for my children to be in. I have told her time and time again that this isn’t healthy to live her life in hate and she said that she is keeping up with him to “protect the girls” and I am not paying the attorney fees she is. My daughter has been bullied at school for the past four years. I have wanted to pull her out of that Christian School because of this. Whenever it was brought up she would say that she wouldn’t want to move schools because of the carpooling. This past month after I told her that my daughter could be suicidal over bullying and it would be her fault she finally agreed.
My ex-husband is willing to say that they shouldn’t have the children either. I know this is not a normal situation. I am asking for prayers, advice etc. Please keep us in your prayers (I know this is a generic picture) but I would like to protect my children.