It was a little after midnight on May 19, 2008 when I awoke to the sound of the phone ringing. It was my son, Mark, calling.  What he said took my breath away. "Mom, I'm checking out.  I am tired and am checking out."  In a panic I threw the phone to my husband and grabbed my cell and called the police in his town to report that my son was about to take his life. We lived 2 hours away and I felt he needed help immediately.

The police arrived and called me to say they were taking him to the hospital for observation.  By this time it was 2:30AM. I waited an hour then called the hospital. I was told that I could not visit him at this time.  At 6:00AM my phone rang.  It was Mark. He was home!  I was shocked! They had not even taken the time to have a doctor check him out!  He was devastated that I had called the police. He told me he didn't know why he had called me and said what he had. He said he was fine and that he was not going to kill himself and for me not to worry.

Mark had gone through a very nasty divorce four years earlier and was still having a very hard time dealing with his exwife.  They had one child,a daughter, Lauren who was 6 years old.  He fought so hard to have her more, but was met with a lot of resistance from her mother.

He began drinking more and more to deal with his situation. The more he became depressed, the more he drank. The more he drank, the more depressed he became. It was a vicious cirlce.  But, never had he ever indicated he was suicidal.

Twelve days later on May 31, 2008, my husband and I flew to Montana to attend our granddaughter's high school graduation.  We arrived at our daughter's home in Hamilton about 7:30 PM Montana time.  I had a god awful feeling that Mark not okay.  I had tried to call him for three days before we left and got no answer.

I couldn't even stay up to visit.  I was so upset, I just went to bed.  On Sunday morning I woke up and immediately tried to call Mark again.  I left a message telling him how worried I was and begged him to call me back. I found out later that the coroner was at his home at the time of my call and only he heard my message.

On the May 31, 2008 at 6:30PM  California time, my son walked upstairs, turned his cd on to loop the song "Whiskey Lullaby", laid down on his bed, placed his favorite Stetson on his chest and shot himself in the head.

Our family's life was forever changed in the blink of an eye. We will never be the same. I can't even explain in words how it is now.  There is such a huge void in our lives, never to be filled. To say I miss him is such an understatement.