I would like your opinion.

With the holidays approaching, I have been forced to face a dilemma within my family.

In many ways, my family is not any different then anyones elses.

The exception is,  two out of the three siblings are adopted.

The only biological child of my parents, is my sister.

She was a fluke.They were told they couldn't have children, so they adopted. Then 10 years later they find they are pregnant, for the first time.

My parents were 40 when Amanda was born.

It was a shocker!

My sister was always treated special. By all of us. She is just different.

The kind of daughter every parent would want!

The kind of sister every sibling would want!

It is hard to explain, Amanda is exceptional!

It went on like this for decades. lol.

Until 2 years ago.

We are all grown now.

With children of our own.

Herein lies the problem.

My parents treat my sister's children, better then my brother's child and my child.

I was so used to my sister being treated special, it didn't bother me that her children would be treated the same as her.

But my sister-in-law is furious.

She doesn't like that some grandchildren are treated better then others. And it is true, there is a distinct difference in how my parents treat Amanda's children over my brother and mine. 

She has my brother so upset over the whole thing to the extent that they have told my parents, if it continues, they will cut ties to my parents.

They do not want their daughter hurt by the obvious favoritism.

Which also brings me to my next issue regarding this problem.

My parents are very generous with their money.

Even last year as the problem I mentioned earlier was coming to a head, my brother had to ask them for money.

He was shipping out again for Iraq.

He wanted to make sure his finances would be taken care of while he was gone.  He also knew he wouldn't make enough money, so he asked our parents to give him the difference.

At the same time he was also threatening them with never seeing their grandchild again.

And that isn't even half of the money my parents have given him.

He just got another $5000.00 last month.

And with Matt being in Iraq, chances are his daughter will not see my parents over the holidays this year. My sister-in-law is still very angry!

To me, it all seemed so surreal.

Yes, they favor Amanda's kids.

Yes, that is wrong!

Yes, in the long run it may hurt my daughter also.

Yes, my sister-in-law has the right to be angry.

But my parents pay for everything that any of us ever need. They do tend to lecture, but so what?

It is their right. It is their money!

It seems hypocritical to take their money, but to give nothing in return. To at least give them time with their granddaughter.

But my sister-in-law is afraid that my niece is old enough now to notice the difference and be hurt by it.

So she doesn't want to subject her daughter to the pain it may cause.

Are my parents paying for our love?

It is what my brother thinks. That they feel guilty.

But they have always given us whatever we needed. Long before this problem arose.

My problem is, I am used as the "reason". The excuse.

I am the one always brought up when this discussion occurs.  As though what happened to me, validates my brothers anger.

Where I am concerned, guilt probably plays a part. But I do not see where my brother could say the same.

My situation was different. And my parents made sure we all received help. Both of them, and myself.

I am pulled between understanding the anger of my sister-in-law.

Understanding the new anger coming off Amanda towards Matt. Amanda doesn't see where she is treated any different then us.

And the sadness of my parents. They do not see were they treat any grandchild different then the others.

So what do I do?

Last year, I talked to both sides to try to smooth it over. And take much of them blame (It would be hard to explain that).

But that only worked until everyone was together.  And my mom only played with my sister's children. 

It all began again.

And now I am facing another Christmas like last year.

What do I do?