There are no real formula's dealing with children with Autism.   Parents like myself have struggled from the first time a doctor told us our children are different.   We dreaded releasing our children to a normal life for them.  I have had some doctor's talked very cold, saying my daughter will never be normal.  Well, you know that just didn't sat right with me, being so high strong and opinionated mother.  I replied "What exactly do you mean?  He saw the hurt in my eyes, and he spoke to me as kind as he could say,  "I have taken every  examination humanly  possible, all evidence have been given the benefit of doubt, your child will never be a normal child.  I was crushed way beyond anyone's imagination, my deepest dreams Silk's were shattered.  Dating, marriage, babies, I wanted to just scream.   I was tore with thoughts of seeing Silk ever having a good life.  I felt crazy inside, disturbed, question's just kept popping into my head one after another.  I was in a instant shock mode with no answers available.  I didn't take anyone to the doctor's with me, I just was not expecting this information.  I was unprepared, I feel helpless.   I just begin to hold my pretty little baby, and the tears just came out of no where.  I wanted to protect her from my hurt I was feeling at the moment.   She just look up and smile at me.  And Silk held my face with her little hands.  As though Silk, could make it feel better.

I got through that darkest hours and I survived 19 years later with prayer and patience.  I have some happy moments and I have had some moment where I wanted to give up. 

But, by the grace of God , "we made it".   We are still living under the same roof with love for  one another.  As I reflect on how far we have came together down this lonely road.   I thought I would have never made it this far.   It has brought me to this glorious point in our relationship, it is time to start letting go.  I can't even remember a time I would even think about that topic, but eager to express my fears and hopes.  Now, it is time to embark toward new beginnings of independence for Silk and myself.  I grew and Silk grew though our experience's, we learned together it's Silk's life "not mine".

I realized I could not control the pain or the tears.

I ask myself, is it time to step back from  Silk's Autistic life at 19  years old?

Butterfly1