For the longest time, I always wanted to be a mother.  It was something I felt I was my "calling."  For 5 years my husband and I tried to have a baby. We suffered 4 miscarriages before FINALLY getting pregnant with a baby we dubbed our "Miracle Baby."

The pregnancy progressed well.  We were due February 1, 2010 and I could'nt have been more excited. However, late December I swelled and my blood pressure went sky high.  On December 24, 2009, I was taken in for a c-section.  At 1:28pm on Christmas Eve we were blessed with Callie Grace Van Tornhout.  4lbs 5oz 17inches long and fiesty as hell!! She was perfect.

She had to stay in Newborn ICU for 12 days and we never left her side.  She was truly our Miracle Baby.

When she came home she thrived. She gained weight, giggled and was just the light of our lives.

January 24 she started having a dry cough. Took her to see her Dr and he told us it would run its course but she'd be fine. Two days later she was pale and lathargic and we took her back to the Dr. While waiting for the Dr to come in and look at her, Callie stopped breathing in my arms.  We freaked.  She came back on her own but was rushed to the ER.

She was admitted to Peds ICU so they could keep an eye on her. For 2 days they did nothing but just observe her.  Friday, Jan 29 they FINALLY ran tests and said the test results would be back monday.

At 1:12am on January 30, 2010, at just 5 weeks old our Callie Grace was gone.  They told us respitory failure but we had a hard time believing it.  She was too young and too perfect to be gone.

Monday, Feb 1 (our original due date) as we were heading to the funeral home for her viewing, the Dr called and told us testing came back and Callie had Pertussis.. aka Whooping Cough.  Pertussis is a HIGHLY PREVENTABLE disease but because she was too young for vaccines (they get vaccines starting at 2 months) she didn't have a chance to fight it off.

We were devasted.

We didn't want to try again, we tried everything NOT to get pregnant.

We went to see the doctor for checkups.... and they realized we were pregnant. How did this happen? We weren't happy at first, we were scared. Here we were 10 weeks after saying goodbye to our Miracle baby and finding out we were pregnant was NOT something we wanted to hear.

When they did an ultrasound a week later, they gave us a due date as December 25, 2010.. the day after what would be Callies first birthday. At that point, we embraced the pregnancy because we firmly believed Callie played a role in this. This is her way to tell us she is okay and that giving her a sibling is what she wants.

We're still dealing with the shock of things but getting more excited as the weeks go by.

Not sure we would have been able to try this early on but because it happened by fate, we're embracing it!