- Posted August 8, 2008 by
This iReport is part of an assignment:
Best Man Sells Me Out
My wife and I had the normal stupid things occur during our day of wedded bliss: gowns for the girls didn't fit two of my groomsmen wore sneakers because shoes didn't show, and the PA system fried out so nobody could hear our vows. But beyond that, what happened at the reception dinner was the worst.
My best man, and best friend from high school who I hadn't really seen in three years, got up in front of a crowd of 200 people to provide the toast. I'll admit I was a bit reckless in my youth. I've been around a few blocks. But certainly your best friend would keep all this in confidence, wouldn't he?
Drinking most of the day, the Son of a Bitch raised his glass and looked at me. "We've known each other since fourth grade, and we've been some places, eh? ...(pause)... Wow, and now you're getting married." The crowd cheered. And then it turned into a scene from the Wedding Singer.
"I remember smoking pot with you before Science class, and that time we ran through the mall?" Okay, thanks for the drug flashback, and the mall reference - so we were wearing only our underwear - a little edgy, but I am still smiling at the onlookers.
Then, a long pause.
"Remember Margot?" he asked. The crowd hushed and I felt a chill go down my spine. Uh, yeah, Margot was basically a girl my best man and I tag-teamed our Senior Year of High School. I swore to my wife (then girlfriend) that I never even kissed her. We'd had more than a few fights about it.
With 200 people watching, it was all I could to shake my head and shrug.
"She was a peach, huh?" he continued. "But this one," pointing to my new wife, "...she's WAY hot. And you are a lucky guy."
A few claps, but more gulps from the waiting audience.
"Just want to say I am glad the wild times are behind you," and then he winked... at my wife.
I wish I could tell you how it all wrapped up, but the sudden need to drink everything in sight took hold. My ears would no longer let his voice in. The only thing I did hear, clearly, was my new wife's whisper through gritted teeth.
"We need to talk," she said, looking straight ahead with stone eyes.
Needless to say I never spoke with my Best Man again. That was 15 years ago.