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    Don't Take Anti-Depressants



    "Fear is a religion. Not the one we preach the one about the Golden Rule - dollar - to dollar. The unspoken conviction that there's not enough anything in this world, and that no ones got your back. The utter moral certainty that you've got no choice but to watch out for number uno, because it's a dog-eat-dog world out there, and only the fittest survive. Fear of starvation is what first prompted you to smile at your mother. Fear of social ostracism is what first made you desperate to please your father. Humans are gregarious, group-oriented animals by nature. Instinctively, we know that we cannot survive on our own. More than anything, we fear isolation and social exclusion. Fear of failure, you see, is fear of social embarrassment - you might get laughed at. But fear of success is fear of social ascendancy - you might be perceived as a threat and expelled from your group. I suppose I'm a pretty good example of that myself. None of this is conscious, of course. We don't wake up thinking about these things, or discuss them at dinner parties. But we know the fear in our guts, all of us. And, ah, how these times embrace it! Today our government feeds us on fear. It's our national diet. Cereal and a spoonful of fear! Beer and a fear chaser! Hamburgers with an order of super-sized fear on the side! And really, why shouldn't we be afraid? In case you haven't heard, life is terminal. Cigarettes will kill you. So will your cell phone. Your microwave, the power lines, the squirming germs that raw meat leaves behind on your kitchen counter and the chemical cleaners you neutralize them with… all potentially lethal. Your car is a deadly weapon, alcohol is a quit killer. Too much fat, too much sugar, too much exercise or not enough… Don't lick the lead-based paint on your windowsills, don't lick the back of that postage stamp, and don't lick any strangers, oh that can take you down quickly indeed! Don't drink the water and don't drink less than eight glasses a day. Hold your breathe in traffic, off-gas your furniture, stock up on duct tape! Don't talk to strangers and if your female don't go home - you're more likely to be a victim of domestic violence than of burglary, mugging, or any other physical assault combined. Your environment is toxic, your natural resources are dwindling, your days are numbered, but whatever you do, don't panic. The stress don't ya know, will kill ya."

    -Devin Grayson

    -Flint Dille

    Batman - Rise of Sin Tzu


    We have prisons for criminals, and hospitals for those deemed insane, but are psychiatric hospitals truly hospitals? A person can voluntarily commit themselves into a mental institution at the cost of all rights thereby becoming an unknowing prisoner. The doctor in charge then becomes judge, jury, and executioner, all while prescribing medication that has more known side effects than it cures. I have voluntarily committed myself on multiple occasions to several different institutions for the protection of not only myself, but of those around me. I have seen the damage doctor's can do, with the power to control a human life, and I can no longer understand how they can be called a doctor. The Hippocratic oath to my knowledge is to do no harm and yet doctors are handing out pills like candy to fix conditions they have little understanding of. I have been diagnosed with not just one disorder, but multiple disorders’, all by doctor's that would only see or talk to me for a couple minutes on random occasions. Where does it say in the Constitution that doctor's are in control of what is perceived of as normal. When first admitted into any mental hospital all patients receive a document with patient’s rights. The fact is once admitted; any patient with psychological trauma has the equivalent rights as a convicted criminal.


    “But the essential idea behind the Declaration—that we are born into this world free, all of us; that each of us arrives with a bundle of rights that can’t be taken away by any person or any state without just cause; that through our own agency we can, and must, make of our lives what we will—is one that every American understands. It orients us, sets our course, each and every day.”

    -Barack Obama

    The Audacity of Hope: Thoughts on Reclaiming the American Dream


    “Is anybody there? Does anybody care? Does anybody see what I see?”

    -John Adams (William Daniels)



    “At its most elemental level, we understand our liberty in a negative sense. As a general rule we believe in the right to be left alone, and are suspicious of those—whether Big Brother or nosy neighbors—who want to meddle in our business. But we understand our liberty in a more positive sense as well, in the idea of opportunity and the subsidiary values that help realize opportunity—all those homespun virtues that Benjamin Franklin first popularized in Poor Richard’s Almanac and that have continued to inspire our allegiance through successive generations. The values of self-reliance and self-improvement and risk-taking. The values of drive, discipline, temperance, and hard work. The values of thrift and personal responsibility. These values are rooted in a basic optimism about life and a faith in free will—a confidence that through pluck and sweat and smarts, each of us can rise above the circumstances of our birth.”

    -Barack Obama

    The Audacity of Hope: Thoughts on Reclaiming the American Dream


    Diagnosed with at one time or another over the course of several years and several psychiatric institutions.

    Major Depression Disorder (MDD)


    Bipolar (Manic Depressive)

    Dissociative Disorder (DD)

    Dissociative Amnesia


    Panic Attacks

    Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD)


    Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD)

    Dependent Personality Disorder


    Prescribed Medications (Incomplete)

    (Note: I am not the author of the following information and subsequently take no credit for the information provided. What follows took less than two hours to prepare utilizing Google search engine.)

    New Medication Warnings (as of 03/11)

    Atypical antipsychotics are a class of drugs used in the treatment of schizophrenia and bipolar disorder. There are several commonly prescribed atypical antipsychotic drugs currently on the market, including:





                      Symbyax, and



    The popularity of these drugs now rivals even that of cholesterol-lowering statins, but it's the safety of antipsychotic drugs -- and the way they are marketed by drug manufacturers -- that continues to grab headlines. In recent years the manufacturers of Zyprexa (Eli Lilly) and Geodon (Pfizer) have paid record criminal fines over charges that the companies engaged in unlawful drug marketing tactics. And on the product safety side, there have been numerous reports of serious side effects experienced by people who have taken atypical antipsychotic drugs. A large number of lawsuits have been filed against drug manufacturers in connection with the side effects of atypical antipsychotic drugs. The focus of these lawsuits is typically a products liability claim.

    Many antidepressants are in a class of drugs called selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors ("SSRI's"). There are numerous SSRI's and other antidepressants currently on the market, including the following:











    In recent years, reports of serious side effects from taking antidepressant drugs have increased, and many lawsuits have been filed against drug manufacturers in connection with the side effects of antidepressants. The focus of these lawsuits is typically a products liability claim.

    Antidepressant side effects have been linked to an increased risk of suicide when compared with use of a sugar pill. Paxil side effects have been shown to increased the risk of suicide attempts for young adults, especially those between 18 and 30.  In May 2006 the FDA issued a warning to doctors that suicidal behavior may be increased by the use of the antidepressant.

    Other antidepressants have previously been linked to an increased risk of suicide among children. However, recent information indicates that the risk for all antidepressants may extend to adults as well.

    Side Effects/Class Action Lawsuit:

    Prozac Side Effects:

    Insomnia, weakness, and loss of appetite are among the most common side effects reported with Prozac. Some of the side effects that are rare (seen in less than 1 percent of patients) include canker sores, high cholesterol, and acne. In most cases, side effects of Prozac are minor and either do not require medical attention or can be treated easily. However, if you develop any serious problems, such as suicidal thoughts or behavior, hallucinations, or panic attacks, notify your healthcare provider immediately.

    Prozac Lawsuit:

    Prozac (fluoxetine)(known as Sarafem when prescribed for premenstrual dysphoric disorder): Eli Lilly first began marketing Prozac in the United States in 1988. By 1990, an article in The American Journal of Psychiatry noted that six depressed but previously non-suicidal patients had experienced intense, violent, suicidal thoughts shortly after beginning Prozac, which abated when they ceased taking the drug. Beginning in 1990, concerns began to be raised about a possible connection between Prozac and increased suicidality. In October 1990, the Church of Scientology filed a petition with the FDA claiming that Prozac caused suicide and asking that it be withdrawn from the market. In May 1991 the Public Citizen Health Research Group petitioned the FDA to require a black box warning that Prozac might be associated with suicide in a small number of patients. Both petitions were rejected. By 1992, the Federal Judicial MultiDistrict Litigation Panel had consolidated over 75 lawsuits against Lilly in the Southern District of Indiana, which involved both suicidal and homicidal behavior attributed to the drug.  Prozac is the only antidepressant which has been conclusively linked to increases in suicidality, in a large study by Jick, Kaye and Jick., showing that individuals who take Prozac are more than twice as likely to attempt suicide as those taking other anti-depressants. In 1997, the FDA rejected yet another petition to expand the suicidality warning on the Prozac label. The following year, a court refused to dismiss punitive damage claims against Lilly, citing evidence that it suppressed adverse studies, Forsyth v. Eli Lilly, 1998 U.S.Dist.LEXIS 541 (D. Hawaii 1998). For a substantial summary of studies linking Prozac to suicide, see Cloud v. Pfizer, 198 F.Supp.2d 118, 1122-1126 (D.Ariz. 2001)(litigation involving Zoloft but summarizing SSRI literature).

    Remeron Side Effects:

    Abnormal dreams; abnormal thinking; constipation; dizziness; drowsiness; dry mouth; flu symptoms; increased appetite; weakness; weight gain.

    Remeron Lawsuit:

    Remeron, also known as mirtazapine, is indicated for the treatment of mental depression. Signs of depression include a depressed mood, weight change, insomnia, fatigue, agitation, suicidal tendencies, feelings of guilt and loss of interest in activities. Remeron comes as a tablet to take by mouth once a day. Approved by the U.S. Food and Drug Administration (FDA) in 1996, Remeron is made by Organon.

    Remeron has been linked to numerous adverse reactions. The Federal Government's Adverse Drug Reactions Advisory Committee has received dozens of reports involving serious blood and bone marrow abnormalities. Remeron has been linked to liver problems and hallucinations.

    Celexa Side Effects:

    Dry mouth, nausea, and drowsiness are common side effects that have been reported with Celexa. Some of the side effects that are less common (occurring in less than 1 percent of patients) include kidney stones, high blood pressure, and weight gain. Although side effects with Celexa are generally minor, you should seek medical attention immediately if you develop suicidal thoughts or behavior; anxiety, agitation, or panic attacks; fast heart rate; or any signs of an allergic reaction.

    Celexa Lawsuit:

    Lawsuits by Celexa patients, or by the parents of pediatric Celexa patients, have increased as a result of public and media attention being focused on the side effects of SSRI antidepressant use, as well as the FDA blackbox warnings. Some of these actions have been consolidated into class action lawsuits, to be litigated all in one court, while other attempts to consolidate have been rejected by judges.

    Serzone Side Effects:

    Dry mouth, headache, and drowsiness are the most common side effects reported with Serzone. Side effects of the drug are generally minor and, in most cases, either don't require medical attention or can be treated easily. However, there are some potentially serious reactions that should be reported to a healthcare provider right away, including hallucinations, suicidal thoughts or behavior, and panic attacks.

    Serzone Lawsuit:

    Serzone:  (nefazodone) Bristol-Myers Squibb began selling Serzone in 1994 as an antidepressant. In 2002, the FDA added the strongest type warning (black box) about liver failure, after reports of at least 94 adverse liver reactions, including 55 liver failures and twenty fatalities. There is a class action suit pending regarding liver damage related to the drug. Serzone was also alleged to cause priapism, a persistent and painful erection which can cause permanent injury. Thom v. Bristol-Myers Squibb, 353 F.3d 848 (10th Cir. 2003)(charging makers of Serzone with insufficent information about the risks of priapism).

    Bristol-Myers Squibb voluntarily pulled Serzone from the U.S. market in June 2004 (it had been taken off the market previously in Europe, Canada, Australia and New Zealand, but the company continued to sell the drug in the United States).

    Eskalith (Lithium Carbonate) Side Effects:

    Drowsiness, tiredness, increased thirst, increased frequency of urination, weight gain, and mildly shaking hands (fine tremor) may occur.

    Lexapro Side Effects:

    There are a number of potential problems that may occur with the use of Lexapro. Some common side effects of the medication include headache, extreme tiredness, ejaculation problems, and nausea. While some Lexapro side effects may go away as your body adjusts to the medicine, others are less likely to subside. Some more serious but less common side effects include suicidal thoughts or suicide attempts, chest palpitations, and difficulty sleeping.

    Lexapro Lawsuit:

    LEXAPRO - Escitalopram, or as it is more commonly known, Lexapro, is an antidepressant medication, or more specifically a Selective Serotonin Reuptake Inhibitor (SSRI), which is distributed by Forest Laboratories in the United States. Available in either tablet or liquid form, it is marketed elsewhere by Lundbeck A/S with a variety of names including Cipralex, Seroplex, Sipralexa, and, of course, Lexapro.

    The drug was developed in less than 4 years by these two companies, a relatively short time for a medication of this nature. Despite this fact, Lexapro was indeed approved by the Food and Drug Administration (FDA) in March of 2001. Since then, it has been prescribed for depression and anxiety disorders on a regular basis throughout the U.S., and other parts of the world, but the medication does pose serious risks.

    There are a number of adverse side effects associated with the use of Lexapro. Some of the more commonly reported side effects include dizziness, dry mouth, and loss of appetite, though other more serious side effects such as tremors, seizures, irregular heartbeat, and sexual dysfunction have been known to occur in some patients. Additionally, a very serious and possibly life-threatening side effect known as serotonin syndrome may also occur – otherwise known as serotonin toxicity. While this technically is considered a form of poisoning, this condition is very rarely seen in patients who have taken Lexapro.

    The biggest risk of taking Lexapro is an increase in suicidal thoughts and even suicidal behavior in patients who are taking the drug. The risk for this is particularly prevalent amongst children, adolescents, and teenagers, though some young adults who are taking the drug have been known to suffer from these side effects as well.  The drugs that are prescribed to combat depression shouldn't enhance the very conditions that they are intended to treat.  Unfortunately, Lexapro, and many other antidepressant medications, have been shown to do just that.

    Paxil Side Effects:

    Anxiety; blurred vision; constipation; decreased sexual desire or ability; diarrhea; dizziness; drowsiness; dry mouth; gas; increased sweating; increased urination; loss of appetite; nausea; nervousness; numbness or tingling of the skin; stomach upset; trouble concentrating; trouble sleeping; weakness; yawning.

    Paxil Lawsuit:

    Paxil: (paroxetine)(known as Seroxat in the United Kingdom) Paxil is manufactured by GlaxoSmithKline.  It was originally approved for depression in 1992, and shortly thereafter for panic disorder and obsessive-compulsive disorder. In 1999, Paxil was approved for the treatment of “social anxiety disorder.” In 2001, the FDA approved Paxil for “generalized anxiety disorder” and post-traumatic stress disorder.  The same year, a jury found that Paxil had caused a man to go on a murderous rampage, killing his wife, daughter, and granddaughter before taking his own life, and awarded over six million dollars in damages, Tobin v. SmithKlineBeecham, 164 F.Supp.2d 1278 (D.Wyo. 2001), In 2003, it was approved by the FDA for the treatment of premenstrual dysphoric disorder. Annually, GlaxoSmithKline nets 2.1 billion dollars from Paxil. On October 15, 2004, the FDA required Pfizer to add a black box warning to Paxil indicating that it might cause some minors to become suicidal, and that studies had shown that this suicidality occurred for people taking Paxil at a rate twice as high as for people taking a placebo. Pfizer has not added this warning as of January 1, 2005.

    Ativan (Lorazepam) Side Effects:

    While most people tolerate lorazepam well, side effects can still occur during treatment with the drug. Some common side effects of lorazepam include dizziness, weakness, and unsteadiness. Lorazepam also has a number of more serious side effects that should be reported to a healthcare provider immediately. Among these more serious lorazepam side effects are seizures and suicidal thoughts.

    Ativan (Lorazepam) Lawsuit:

    Although Ativan's manufacturer, Wyeth, admitted in the 1980's that long term use of the drug should be avoided because of possible dangers, it has always claimed before this time that the drug was harmless. This meant that by the time the manufacturer admitted to the dangers of the drug, it was too late for many that had already been taking Ativan on a long term basis, and had suffered a variety if ill effects as a result.

    Several years ago, a popular Sunday newspaper in the UK reported that they had evidence to show that even directors at Wyeth had expressed concerns in the past about the dangers of Ativan. The paper claimed that the directors had stated that the dangers of Ativan should have been researched more thoroughly, and patients should have been informed far earlier rather than letting many people become dependent on the drug first. Also reported is that one medical director at Wyeth, who was involved in the UK trials where Ativan was originally launched, had admitted that he had not been asked to undertake trials relating to the safety of prescribing the drug for a matter of months. He stated that he thought his was because "there was nothing to be gained by them, but everything to lose in the sense we could be courting disaster".

    The dangers of Ativan have already created many legal cases from injured parties and relations of victims, and specialist Ativan lawyers are still working hard to fight for those that have suffered at the hands of this drug. Anyone that has suffered emotional, behavioral, mental or physical harm from taking Ativan is advised to contact an Ativan lawyer as soon as possible. Due to statutes of limitation relating to filing an Ativan claim, it is important for injured parties to seek legal advice as soon as possible.

    Ambien Side Effects:

    Diarrhea; dizziness; drowsiness (including daytime drowsiness); "drugged" feeling; dry mouth; headache; nausea; nose or throat irritation; sluggishness; stomach upset; weakness.

    Ambien Lawsuit:

    Ambien (generic name zolpidem tartrate) is a central nervous system depressant used for the treatment of insomnia. Media sources have reported occurrences of sleepwalking, sleep-related eating, and temporary memory loss or "amnesia" in patients taking Ambien.

    Trazedone Side Effects:

    Blurred vision; constipation; decreased sexual desire or ability; diarrhea; dizziness; drowsiness; dry mouth; headache; lightheadedness when sitting up or standing; muscle aches or pains; nausea; nervousness; stomach pain; stuffy nose; tiredness.

    Wellbutrin Side Effects:

    Although most people tolerate Wellbutrin well, there are some potential side effects of the medication. Common Wellbutrin side effects can include agitation, weight loss, and a dry mouth. In many cases, Wellbutrin side effects are minor and can easily be treated by you or your healthcare provider. However, there are several side effects of Wellbutrin that you should report to your healthcare provider, including a fast heart rate, seizures, and hallucinations.

    Wellbutrin Lawsuit:

    In 2008 despite claims of Wellbutrin lacking efficiency, the FDA backed the drug saying that the cheaper, generic version of GlaxoSmithKline PLC’s Wellbutrin XL antidepressant is safe and effective.

    Zoloft Side Effects:

    In clinical trials, side effects that were commonly reported with Zoloft included nausea, insomnia, and diarrhea. Other common side effects include dizziness, dry mouth, fatigue, and drowsiness. Less common but potentially serious side effects of Zoloft can include such things as chest palpitations, hallucinations, and suicidal thoughts or behavior.

    Zoloft Lawsuit:

    Zoloft was among the drugs covered by the FDA order of October 15, 2004, requiring drug manufacturers to warn about dangers of suicidality when the drug is prescribed to children and adolescents. Testimony about Zoloft before the public hearing of the FDA’s Psychopharmacologic Drugs and Pediatric Advisory Committees on September 13 and 14 also concentrated on Zoloft’s lack of proven efficacy in treating depression. In a 1991 internal FDA memorandum, Dr. Paul Leber, who was principally involved in the investigation, analysis and approval of the SSRI class of drugs, noted that numerous countries around Europe had already rejected or were about to reject approval of Zoloft because Pfizer could not prove efficacy. Dr. Leber wrote, “In recommending [the approval of Zoloft for adults], I have considered the fact that the evidence marshaled to support [Zoloft’s] efficacy as an antidepressant is not as consistent or robust as one might prefer it to be.” In September 2004, Dr. Leber was quoted in the Denver Post as saying “Second generation antidepressants were approved by a regulatory process that requires only a limited proof of efficacy and safety.”

    Lithium Side Effects:

    Mild hand tremor; mild thirst; temporary, mild nausea and general discomfort at the beginning of treatment.

    Risperdal Side Effects:

    Anxiety; constipation; cough; diarrhea; dizziness; drowsiness; dry mouth; fatigue; headache; increased appetite; increased saliva production; indigestion; lightheadedness; nausea; restlessness; runny nose; stomach pain or upset; trouble sleeping; vomiting; weight gain.

    Risperdal Lawsuit:

    Risperdal (Risperidone)

    Risperdal, also known by its generic name Risperidone, is a prescription medication for the treatment of schizophrenia, a severe mental disorder that can cause delusions and hallucinations. It is also used for the short-term treatment of mania associated with bipolar disorder. Risperdal is in a class of medications called atypical anti-psychotics, also known as second generation anti-psychotics, which differ from other anti-psychotics in that they work by muting the impact of dopamine and serotonin, two of the brain's key chemical messengers. Some concern has arisen over Risperdal, as it appears the drug may be responsible for an increased chance of death in elderly persons. Elderly patients treated with atypical anti-psychotics, such as Risperdal, for dementia had a higher chance for death than patients who did not take the medicine, therefore elderly patients should not be prescribed Risperdal according to the Food and Drug Administration. Risperdal has also been connected in some patients with the onset of a life-threatening nervous system problem called neuroleptic malignant syndrome (NMS). NMS can cause a high fever, stiff muscles, sweating, a fast or irregular heart beat, change in blood pressure, and confusion. Anyone who has experienced these symptoms should consult their physician as soon as possible.

    Seroquil Side Effects:

    Common Seroquel side effects include dry mouth, dizziness, high triglycerides (determined by a blood test), and headaches. While side effects, if they occur, are typically minor and easily treated, some problems may require immediate medical attention. These side effects of Seroquel that should be reported to a healthcare provider right away include abnormal muscle movements, signs of diabetes, and rapid weight gain.

    Seroquil Lawsuit:

    Seroquel has been linked to serious adverse reactions, such as the development of diabetes, pancreatitis, and hyperglycemia.

    Zyprexa Side Effects:

    Dizziness; drowsiness; lightheadedness; pain, redness, or swelling at the injection site; weakness; weight gain.

    Zyprexa Lawsuit:

    Zyprexa has been linked to diabetes, hyperglycemia, and neuroleptic malignant syndrome, carrying fears so great that it led Japan and the European Union to include warnings about the sometimes-fatal Zyprexa side effects. Public Citizen consumer group believes the FDA has done little to warn physicians or patients about the risks of hyperglycemia, diabetes, and ketoacidosis with Zyprexa, but ZyprexaSideEffectsLawyer.Com has provided information on Zyprexa side effects for consumers.

    Zyprexa (olanzapine): Zyprexa is manufactured by Eli Lilly, and was introduced on the market in 1996. Zyprexa is Eli Lilly’s top selling drug, garnering 3.7 billion dollars in sales per year. Zyprexa was originally approved for schizophrenia and then for the short-term treatment of acute manic episodes associated with Bipolar I disorder. However, it is prescribed for other “off-label” uses, and at least one case has charged that it contributed to a child’s death when it was prescribed for attention deficit/hyperactivity disorder, Tardy v. Eli Lilly, 2004 Me.Super.LEXIS 168 (August 4, 2004)(autopsy reports “acute hyperglycemia due to acute olanzapine toxicity).

    Zyprexa has been linked in multiple studies with diabetes and severe hyperglycemia. Patients taking Zyprexa are ten times more likely to develop diabetes than the general population. Whether the link with diabetes is direct or secondary to acute weight gain associated with Zyprexa (itself a health hazard of considerable dimension) is a matter of controversy. Although many psychiatric drugs include weight gain as a side effect, it is particularly noticeable as a side effect of Zyprexa. A number of cases have just been consolidated in the Eastern District of New York. Most, but not all, of the cases center around the connection between Zyprexa and diabetes, In re Zyprexa Products Liability Litigation, 314 F.Supp.2d 1380 (Multidistrict Litigation Panel 2004).

    Effexor Side Effects:

    Anxiety; blurred vision; changes in taste; constipation; decreased sexual desire or ability; dizziness; drowsiness; dry mouth; flushing; headache; increased sweating; loss of appetite; nausea; nervousness; stomach upset; trouble sleeping; vomiting; weakness; weight loss; yawning.

    Effexor Lawsuit:

    Effexor  (venlafaxine)  Made by Wyeth Labs. On October 15, 2004, the FDA ordered Wyeth and other manufacturers of SSRI antidepressants to add a black box warning to Effexor’s labels warning physicians about prescribing this drug for children or adolescents. The proposed warning included notification that the average risk of suicidal thinking or behavior associated with taking Effexor was twice the risk associated with taking a placebo. The FDA order included proposed language and invited pharmaceutical companies to comment on the proposed language. Apparently some (but not all) pharmaceutical companies have responded with comments, but as of Jan. 1, 2005, no drug company has complied with the FDA’s order. Effexor is banned in the United Kingdom for use with children because of concerns about increased suicidality. In addition, Effexor cannot be prescribed to anyone in the UK except by specialists because of concerns about association with irregular heartbeat and fatalities from arrhythmia. Its discontinuation effects or withdrawal difficulties are reputed to be even harsher than those of Paxil. No published class litigation is currently pending involving Effexor.


    “I suppose, for if you are paying attention, each successive year will make you more intimately acquainted with all of your flaws—the blind spots, the recurring habits of thought that may be genetic or may be environmental, but that will almost certainly worsen with time, as surely as the hitch in your walk turns to pain in your hip.”

    -Barack Obama

    The Audacity of Hope: Thoughts on Reclaiming the American Dream


    Many people take life for granted, forgetting that some are less fortunate and will never have the same privileges. I for one never received things that most people would naturally expect. I have been deprived of family and in that have been made to learn to grow on my own. Instead of praise I have received degrading remarks and instead of comfort I have learned fear. Everybody I know can remember happiness, a moment that they will never forget. My memories are full of fear, distrust, abandonment, and most of all pain. Some remember past experiences with a smile. My past was so full of pure terrifying pain that I managed to distance myself in a way known as dissociation. I no longer remember most of my so-called childhood. Whether good experiences or bad, I have no feeling. The things I can remember are violent and terrifying so much that nightmares would be a pleasure. “What must it be like to have nothing, not even memories to visit in the middle of the night.” This quote hits home, I know this feeling all too well. When you’re in a place that you have no control, and no one is there to help you. No friends or family, no one knows you exist and it seems no one cares. I know this place more than I’d like and because of it I almost died. Silence can be terrifying when your surrounded by it. Your worst nightmare becomes your friend and the darkness is the only comfort you feel. Emotionless and in a state like stone you might as well be a zombie for although you are alive you might as well be dead. And in the darkness you find comfort and seek truth, and when you find none the world disappears. Now there is no hope and the demons inside are free to roam. They mark your tomb and dug your grave. But just as you lay down to give up, a scream emits from your soul that marks hope instead of terror. Suddenly the world is brighter, and although you have nothing, you have the hope of something. Now that you’ve felt nothing it lives inside you and try as you might there’s nothing that can remove it. It’s a scar that will forever mark the moment and instead of burying you the tombstone now becomes a star. The hope that nothing will be something someday. You are now a testament to life and instead of dying a little more every day you live your life as if there is no tomorrow.


    “Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about its own things. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble.”

    Mathew 6:34


    Daniel Morgan

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