A job for which I never went to formal school to prepare, am not paid, and did not apply, although will do to the best of my ability for the rest of my life is caregiving. Although I take full responsibility for getting married and bringing children into the world, nobody actually prepares emotionally, physically, and financially for not one, but two children of three with special needs. I would argue that not many people prepare to give up their husband, home, and most of their wealth to keep their children as healthy as possible and to try to give them the best care available at all times. The job of caregiving requires THE MOST CONSTANT SELFLESS-SACRIFICE and unlimited patience of any on earth.

A couple years ago I was asked to write for the book entitled, "Autism: Heartfelt Thoughts From Mothers" in the specific format below. The book has similar stories from about 100 mothers worldwide. "I face challenges on a daily basis including:

Challenges

1) Emotional - From an emotional standpoint, getting the news that your child has Autism, or any chronic medical condition could be equated to facing death. The 'death' I endured was that of a dream of healthy children along with the 'death' of my vision of a happy, 'normal', healthy family. Although my children have made tremendous improvements over the last 10 years, I initially encountered shock facing the overwhelming reality of my situation with 2 boys both being placed on the Autistic Spectrum. My sadness deepened as my bright, socially perceptive daughter, exhibited behavior that indicated she was troubled by the stress in the house and she too needed extra support and counseling. In time I came to the realization that only unstoppable persistence, inner strength, unconditional love, an undying quest for knowledge, insurmountable patience, and outside support including a synergy of the best medical care in the world could potentially heal these seemly overwhelming issues with which my children and I were confronted.

2) Physical - Over the course of 12 years the physical challenges I face include constant lifting, intense sleep deprivation for 9 years (due to night time wake-ups from chronic seizure disorders, croup attacks, asthma and allergy attacks), and assisting my kids with basic needs due to global developmental delays. Obviously the day-to-day strain confronted by parents of children with special needs, especially moms of Autistic kids, can be very draining! Lifting and carrying kids is simply part of everyday life from early on due to developmental delays that prevent small children from crawling, walking, running, climbing or playing safely or age appropriately for many years or maybe ever. Constant vigilance is critical to insure the safety of the child and anyone else with whom there is contact.

3) Spiritual - When Bad Thing Happen to Good People, by Harold Kushner is one of my favorite books that summarize for me the challenges to my thought process that occurred as I faced the concept of 'Autism' with my family. Why did this terrible illness strike my children? Why me? What did my kids ever do to deserve this disease? Why couldn't they just been born healthy 'regular' kids? Why am I here on earth at all? Can I make it through, not just taking care of one child with 'special needs', but two or three? Do I have the strength to do this job as a single mom? Why don't people understand what I'm going through? How can I show people a way to treat my kids with respect? Will my kids ever say, "I Love You, Mom"? Will my kids always be in diapers? Will I ever have a life of my own again? Will they ever have independence...write their name, speak in full sentences, ride a bike, make friends, drive a car, go to college, live on their own, feel self confidence and the freedom of knowing they are productive, capable members of society? These spiritual questions have continued to run through my mind for years while raising my beautiful, compassionate, loving, "special needs" kids on my own full-time as a single mom!

Gifts

1) Persistence -This overwhelming and terrifying process of fighting for my children's health has required constant optimism and perseverance. One of my lifelong best friends, Amy (who coincidentally has a daughter, Rachel, with special needs) always tells me, "That which doesn't kill you makes you stronger!" Facing the complex and extensive issues surrounding neurological, psychiatric and other medical issues has taught me that incredible strength can be obtained through overcoming adversity against tough odds. My father, Psychiatrist in the Chicago suburbs for over 40 years, coaches me with the "Power of Positive Thinking" and P.M.A. (Positive Mental Attitude), to inspire insurmountable hope and optimism into me and my children for the brightest future possible. My mom, teacher, Special Ed expert, and Guidance Counselor to 6th, 7th and 8th graders for over 30 sat through every meeting we had with the schools ensuring my boys would be provided the maximum available time with services, one-on-one aids, adaptive technology, and altered curriculum to make their experience at school a success for them, as she instilled in me the values of complete integrity and a tremendously consistent work ethic. My sisters and brothers, along with many extended family members, friends, neighbors and community members offer constant support, encouragement and love all along the path of my family's journey for a cure. My beloved Grandmother, Esther (age 89), is a constant source of light with her wealth of knowledge, news articles, and resources for furthering our learning on all subjects related to our family's healing and helping others in need.

2) Perspective - As Oprah, one of my greatest mentors has taught me, "What I Know For Sure" is children and generally all people suffering from special needs or any stressful issues or situations in their lives can provide a unique perspective to others not having to deal with these problems on a daily basis. I have developed incredible insight into what I am on earth to do with my life, immense gratitude for simply being alive to share my experience, strength and hope with others, appreciation for the unconditional love that surrounds me, happiness in the simple abundance I enjoy, joy in the precious gifts of lifelong honest friendships, thankfulness for my wonderfully loyal family, tremendous compassion and empathy toward others, a wealth of knowledge on many subjects, the gifts of miraculous children, hope for a bright future, and so much ability to help others in need from my personal experience of walking in so many shoes.

3) Unconditional Love -- For optimal healing I have found it critical to maintain the ability to be a nonjudgmental, consistently unconditionally loving, totally accepting person. My special, gifted kids have the ability to share themselves completely openly, honestly, freely, and lovingly without the "normal" barriers of being self-conscious or insecure. Hugs, holding, frequent baths, splashing and simply allowing space to 'run free' have been crucial for them.

Advice

A -- Autism and other related neurological and psychiatric disorders are all treatable, healable and may even be curable with the persistent pursuit of knowledge, unending patience, chronic unconditional unyielding love, and the creation of a synergy of positive influences, as Laura Day writes in her inspiring book, The Circle.

U -- Ultimately OPENMINEDNESS is the key to finding the right combination of therapies, vitamins, diet, exercise, medications, doctors, teachers, positive people (while eliminating negative people), friends, family and activities to enhance growth. For me keeping an open mind has also proved important in terms of maintaining a good relationship with their father, who is with them whenever possible, and adds both emotional and financial support to their lives.

T - Together we can to what we could never do alone! By joining support groups, working through our schools systems and communities, and communicating constantly via phone, fax, voice mail, Internet, Web sites, books, and seminars, we can keep the flow of information going between and among our special needs communities and our medical research staff, who are working 24 hours a day in hundreds of countries worldwide to help improve the lives of our children everyday. Our goals are the same! SYNERGY WILL EXPEDITE THE PROCESS!!! SYNERGY means 1+1 = 3. Working together for the same goal will allow for better results to be accomplished more efficiently, faster and optimally for all involved.

I - I need time to myself! Taking breaks from Autism or the "sickness" that infects the family with special needs issues is extremely important. For the main caretaker to maintain good health and sanity, plans with friends, going to dinner and a movie, spa time, working out, reading a book, taking weekend vacations, and even finding a good therapist, can make all the difference in providing the entire family with a happy, loving, stable environment much of the time.

S - Self-Esteem is critical to the growth and development of any child, but especially important to a kid who begins life with disadvantages. Finding any hobby, interest, educational achievement, physical accomplishment or spiritual development should always be nurtured, totally encouraged, and rewarded -- no matter how small or seemingly insignificant. Each positive stepping stone leads a child down the road for future self-esteem on which to build a foundation of a healthy and more "normal" future. With even one simple skill a person can gain the feeling of accomplishment, paving the way to happiness in any other aspect of life.

M - Mom's generally in our society bare the burden of caring for the kids with special needs and adult children with disabilities today. As a single mom the most important advice I can give to others is to learn from the 'voices of experience' from famous world leaders and thinkers, and try to emulate them on a daily basis. I live my life with my children by spending as much 'quality time' or one-on-one time with them as possible, keeping in mind that the world does not and may never accept nor understand them the way that I do. Our family tries to live by example for optimal healing of mind, body, and spirit with integrity, hard work, balance, lots of laughter, multi-tasking, constant continuing education, proper diet, exercise, fresh air, vitamins, the minimal amount of medication necessary as prescribed by doctors, a synergy of positive influences, appreciation for nature, time together for games, the arts, music, prayer, meditation, and lots of water for drinking, bathing and swimming!"