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    Posted September 7, 2011 by
    Vancouver, British Columbia
    This iReport is part of an assignment:
    Share your 9/11 story

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    Baby this isn't the world I had in mind for you


    I was 21. Newly married to a submariner on deployment with the US Navy. Heavily pregnant with a baby who was due any day now. On 9/11 everything in my life changed. I remember placing my hands on my belly, feeling my baby kicking back, and thinking "Baby this is not the world I had in mind for you". It all started with a dream. In the middle of a vivid dream where a tide of blood was covering the world (I was very prone to vivid dreams while pregnant), the phone started ringing. I managed to get to it before the machine and it was my mother "They've attacked the US." I started to sob, knowing that already my husband was not going to be able to get leave to see his baby as a newborn, as she continued to pour out details. She picked me up and took me to her house so that we could watch TV together (I didn't own a tv at the time) until it was time for my prenatal doctor's appointment. I watched, heart-sick, holding my belly for comfort in shock, as a world I could never have imagined was born in the fall of the Towers. I listened, heart-sick, as my doctor informed me that I had pre-eclampsia and might need an emergency c-section. "Not today, please not today. This is not a day for a child to be born." An hour or two at the hospital on monitoring, staring at a different screen than CNN, praying that today at least my child would be safe in my womb. That was the one good news that day - we didn't need a c-section. That night sleep came slowly. It was hot, I was swollen with child and retained fluid, no position was comfortable and in my head over and over again the planes flew through a bright Indian Summer into buildings super-imposed over blood pouring over the earth. Nightmares about being buried alive woke me frequently through the night (and for weeks after)

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