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    Posted February 20, 2012 by
    Hawthorne, California
    This iReport is part of an assignment:
    What does beauty mean to you?

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    The Curse of "Beauty"


    When I was a young child of innocence and fresh simplicity, my dear father introduced me to the mirror which I was to use to enter the world of the surface, a name I use to refer to the mirror which paints a poor reflection of who we truly are. Being a romantic, for some reason, with just a hint of a strange memory, I remember for only with the slightest touch, a young girl crying in another realm that may have been higher than this realm. I believe this young girl is my soulmate or someone of that sense. She cried, I believe, because I would lead a painful life of narcissism. I started to enter an ugly obsession with being drawn to the beauty of my face. I would spend, a heavily concentrated time with the combing of my hair, to enhance the look of my face. This time I spent with my face, which I call the living mask, made me drawn to faces of women that appeared, what we call in the current reality, beautiful. I would only pursue women who possessed beautiful living masks. Thus, the curse of beauty started to seep into my mind. I would go straight towards the wonders of the beauty of flesh, rather than pursue the person behind the flesh. I started to lack my sight for the meaningful emotions, the heart, and the soul of the person I was with. I was not even "with" the person, I was merely dancing in the world of beauty, a world that their living masks portrayed. My curse deepened as my lust for the living mask got darker and I started to view moving images on the screen of women who possessed these beauteous living masks. Beauty led me to lust and I spent years and years of prayer and wrestling with the desires of my flesh which began with my eyes, that were drawn to the beautiful living mask. Finally, after years of hell with the curse of beauty, I am gradually releasing myself of its grasp on me. As a result, the reality of my soul is an inch clearer. Now, when I view a woman with a living mask that is typically beautiful, I feel, in some sense, sorry for her. "What difficult times may approach her?" I think to myself. Not only this, beautiful living masks hurt my eyes in some degree. All in all, I believe beauty has to be investigated. What is really going on, is the question? If the devil wanted thou to join his kingdom, he would not arrive at thy presence with blood dripping fangs to scare you, dressed in skulls. He is not that ignorant. He would arrive at thy presence dressed in long, white robes, appearing beautiful to draw thou in. The world of appearances is extremely painful, because we distance ourselves from ourselves using our (unfortunately in a lot of cases today) unwise eyes, losing touch with content and meaning that taketh wise eyes to capture. Wise eyes have seen truer beauty that feed the hearts of our souls. Imagine all the horrendous ways of life that the curse of the beautiful living mask has caused: deception, lust, rape, battles, intense sexual immorality, adultery and a longer list of ways that I do not know of at this point. So, the curse of beauty, can teach us a great lesson in life. We are to look behind the flesh of all people and all things. We are challenged to deepen our sight and not make quick judgments because of our slippery, naive eyes. Our eyes are heavily linked to our perception. So, how do we deepen our perception, is the question? We are to question the world we are in, question what is really going on within us, really strengthen our eyes by looking inward, to listen carefully to the gentle, urgent whisper, living in the most honest place in our being. In some sense, or in a large sense, "Hollywood" supports the curse of "beauty", by praising the "beautiful living mask". I have a quote I composed several months or years ago: "Hollywood has scarred the true meaning of a star. It is in Life, the greatest movie of all, where we can go far". (I thank the great people of CNN for providing profound service to the world and for having given me the opportunity to share my story of what beauty means to me. I hope that we all may learn with added depth by the day, to see beyond the sun).

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