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At the DNC: Anti-Bird Porn Legislation
A former birdwatcher, who recently resigned from his club in Meritt Island, FL, said:“I am sad about the reprehensible behavior of these bird watchers who need to satisfy their pornographic pleasures by engaging in public bird sex voyeurism. Shame on them!" When a local news crew caught one watcher in the act, he said to the reporter, "I'm getting my bird freak on right now. It's a life decision. You don't get some bird booty on Monday and call up Charlene on Tuesday. Guys ask me "Hey, let's go out and get some girls." I say, "No way man, tonight it's just gonna be me and some hot steamy bird booty for me man. Bird booty is where it's at." We consulted with a psychologist who studies bird-watching on the matter and she told our reporters, "Off the record, adults, disguised as bird watchers mask their debauchery by taking trips in groups. They can then achieve climax in the safety of the woods. Particularly disturbing is the high number of senior citizens using binoculars and telescopes to observe birds mating. These horny Peeping Toms satisfy their craving for sex by focusing their debasement on birds. This perversion must be halted, otherwise the entire moral fibre of our nation is going to hell." We had a chance to interview off camera a former voyeur and poultryfiliac at the DNC who told us, "Birds are great like Big Breasted Cocklesuckles, but why stop? Bird sex- it's the bomb. I had to stop for a wile after one day at the park, I mean you run across the ground with a Robbin (at least I think that was her name), suck on its wang and BAM! You're branded a monster. I don't get it. Oh, you mean watching. Oh snap!" Currently, a member of Congress who requested anonymity, is quietly drafting legislature that would levy stiff fines against people caught with bird porn in their possession, either photos or internet images. More on this at www.stopbirdporn.org.
- TAGS:
- republicans,
- congress,
- democrats,
- legislate,
- bird,
- convention,
- funny,
- comedy,
- porn
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