- Posted August 10, 2012 by
New York, New York
This iReport is part of an assignment:
What do the Paralympics mean to you?
To The US Women's Gymnastics Team: Fly Girls, Fly!
Lady London must be one mother of an electric city right now, beyond a shadow of a doubt. And I would have tasered Jack The Ripper for a chance to be firmly planted in North Greenwich Arena, amongst those with the loudest cheers. No matter, I stood screaming, in my East "Greenwich" Village apartment and shook the walls just the same.
And the shouting has been justified. Go World! Go USA! And Go Girls!
It has been no secret that the US women have totally *dominated* these Olympic Games and that started out on the pretty pink O2 Arena gymnasium floor. When the fiercest cadre of five "little" girls--who are as big as the world, right now--marched, in uniform and in unison, onto the big, bright scene, it was with bated breath that I waited to watch them soar. All of us in the audience are brain-ready with the knowledge that they've been hard at work, training for the whole of their young lives so as, ultimately, not to get “brained" by the feats they will ultimately achieve; still, it seems impossible: it defies logic. These flips and twists and punches should not be achievable even in a vacuum yet these gorgeous little athletes operate in the same sphere of gravity as the rest of us and make triple twisting layouts look eeeeezzzzz.
*Back handspring, back layout, nailed it: pose! Switch kick, split jump, prepare, extended-leg pirouette, sassy pose! Prepare, round-off, double back flip in pike position, nailed it! Arms up to finish! ...And that was all done on the beam, brohims!* How these girls are all but magnetized to this four foot high, four inch wide platform is uh-may-zing; meanwhile, the rest of us oafs stumble just trying to walk along the sidewalk. I admit to all of it.
Aly, Gabby, Jordyn, McKayla, and Kyla, five Lycra covered cuties--who pack a wallop that could bring an ogre to his knees--approach these *apparati* with a shrug and a "Sure!" type of Savoir Faire and I am hooked. Mesmerization and torture takes over, for I am *jalouse!* I want to be able to do even one-tenth of THAT. Grips and chalk shall henceforth be available in my house to help prevent “aggressive clapping” blisters (and also, to look badass) for I cannot applaud loud enough, especially when they stick the landings.
Watching Gabby Douglas--whose haters have all but guaranteed her a multi-million dollar Pantene Endorsement, the fools--soar in her signature uneven bar release moves makes me wanna do push-ups 'til my triceps ossify...then go try those moves on the construction scaffolding on Broadway. Yep, I am ready to break my 38 year old neck on Broadway because THAT’S how inspiring she is.
For those of us who tumbled as toddlers know that even the simplest of gymnastics elements can take a what feels like a lifetime to achieve--nearly two years just to nail a freaking front handspring, in my case. I clearly was not destined for their greatness.
Speaking of greatness: WTF Olympic judges??? What is WRONG with you? It's official cash inquiry time: I'd like to see the scorecard and know EXACTLY where you decided that McKayla Maroney was NOT perfect on that perfect two-and-a-half twisting Amanar vault! Where I say? And how dare you, I say! Let’s schedule the surgical removal of your Olympic-sized uptightness before 2016, thunder of God. Why would you deny me, my neighbors, the gloriously crazy Raismans, and everyone else the opportunity to bust furniture and break bones from the physical reaction to a longggg overdue perfect score? With what can only be counted as bazillions of minutes spent on these tricks just to get them right in the singular minute that it counts DEMANDS recognition when it occurs. "Air" Maroney, and the world, deserved to scream and shout as she landed in Mary Lou's shoes.
Actually, McKayla landed in Cinderella's slippers: Mary Lou took a hop.
Rio judges: YOU'RE ON FREAKING NOTICE!
Gymnastics itself is a Centenarian darling, as far as The Games are concerned, yet the extraordinariness of these tricks is still presently mindboggling. It boggles the mind. Whenever did the notion of throwing a full-twisting backflip on the balance beam become a suggestion as simple as, “Hey Gabby, can you step up on that stool and grab me a book?” “Which book?” “The one titled ‘How To Defy The Laws of Physics and Logic.’”
To the women of the United States Gymnastics Team:
Thank you for a captivating 2012 Olympic Games. Stay Golden and above all else,
Fly Girls, Fly.