About this iReport
  • Approved for CNN

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    Posted August 24, 2012 by
    This iReport is part of an assignment:
    Surviving sexual assault: Your testimonies

    What is Forcible Rape?


    CNN PRODUCER NOTE     iReporter Brave101 thought for a long time before deciding it was important to share her history of assault and survival. "The story needs to be told for other women to show they are not alone," she said. US congressman Todd Akin's comments spurred her to write of her assault because she fears what happened to her would not count as rape under his definition, or that of other politicians. "Sometimes a woman has to do [what she can] in order to protect herself, even if it means having sex with a man she didn't want to and didn't yell to the top of her lungs about it," she said.
    - sarahbrowngb, CNN iReport producer

    In 1990, I had just broken up with my boyfriend "Steve". He was my first. I went to a bar with a friend and got drunk. I was only 18. This man, let's call him "Sam" went home with me after much drinking, dancing, and flirting. When we got to my friend's house we both passed out. Nothing happened.


    The next morning we wake up and proceeds to tell me that we are going to have sex. I tell him no that I have a boyfriend. He tells me that he just got out of jail and there was no way in hell he wasn't getting any. He scared the living daylights out of me and my friend was not home. We were alone in the house. I begged and pleaded with him. I told him last night was a druken mistake and I haven't been with any other men except "Steve". He didn't flinch. He proceeded to force himself and had sex with me. His manhood was extremely large and it hurt. I did nothing but cry. My body shut down. I was in a different place. Somehow I managed to get to "Steve's" apartment, where I told him everything.


    I didn't know "Sam's" real name or how to find him again, so I never went to the police. My friend told me later that the police would probably say that I deserved it because I was drunk and flirted with him at the bar that I shouldn't have been in because I was only 18. I still think she believes that I deserved it.


    My husband knows this story, but I have never shared it with even my mother or sister. My mind blocks it out as a coping mechanism. Right now was the first time I thought about it in 12 years.


    So, the question is would my story be considered forcible rape? I don't think in Ryan's or Akin's case it would be. I think their definition is a woman being bruised, scared, and bloody as forcible rape. Sometimes a woman has to do in order to protect herself even if it means having sex with a man she didn't want to and didn't yell to the top of her lungs about it. He didn't use protection, but thank God I did not get pregnant or contract any STD's from him.

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